Gwen's blog

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I'll be reading Growing Up with Tamales for story time at Blue Willow Bookshop, in Houston, on Thursday morning, May 15. Tell everyone you know with kids in the Houston area. How do you find and support local indie book stores like Blue Willow? By going to Booksense.

On Saturday, May 17, I'll be in Dallas, reading and signing at the J. Erik Jonsson Central Library, for the 13th Dallas Children’s Book Fair & Literary Festival.

On June 22, here in Houston, I'm going to do a poetry workshop. It's free and open to the public, y'all, and they're having one every Sunday in June, taught by local poets I love and respect. So come on down.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008
linkelodeon!

Project Runway's Jay is super candid, and that's why I love him.

If you don't know who Julia Allison is, it'll be hard for me to explain this, but I'll try. She's a Star editor and supposed dating columnist, yeah, and a person Jakob Lodowick dated, and someone they can't stop ridiculing on Gawker. But mainly she's a woman who blogs about herself constantly (with photos). So... someone brilliant wrote a blog about her blog.

Dr. Bukkake gives facials. As far as we can tell, this is not a joke. If you don't get the joke, that's probably for the best. (What can I say? I'm not very ladylike.)

This woman does pretty things.

subcategorized linkelodeon, with tangents, form of: Asperger's Syndrome!

As mentioned before, every time I see a fictional character who I suspect suffers from Aspergers (whether the person portraying that character realizes it or not), I google [character's name] + "aspergers" to see if anyone else thought so, too.

Last week we watched the best-of-Chris-Farley ep of SNL, and it occurred to me that Chris's talk show interviewer character has AS. Here's a transcript of one of those skits. So, I thought maybe Chris was unwittingly imitating someone with Aspergers when he played that popular character. So I googled.

Instead, I found out that Dan Ackroyd was diagnosed with AS as a teenager.

"People Speculated to Have Been Autistic." Is this my Asperger's obsession? No. My boyfriend says mine is pulling dandelions, because it takes effort for me to pass one without removing it from the ground, preferably with root intact. I say, "That's not Asperger's -- that's a valuable service to the community." *

My Aspie son's current obsession: found numbers. Meaning numbers he "finds" on digital clocks and license plates. He talks to me about that for a good fifteen minutes per week. I just listen, and sometimes ask wry questions, but I don't try to discourage him. I don't think there's any wrong with an obsession that hurts no one.

Shirley Dent says "Don't diagnose fictional characters." Oops. Sorry, Shirley. No, wait -- apology retracted. I'll diagnose whichever characters I want. I'll look for stories in which people (autistics, lesbians, latinos, bulimics, cutters, Kinsey Temperament Sorter Margaret Thatchers, crochet enthusiasts, inverted narcissists, and even people just like me) might exist as whatever I need them to be. Including the protagonists, the heroes, and the most empathetic characters in the story.

Let a person pay his $15 for a book and then diagnose (empathize, mis-identify, fantasize) away. Because people are compelled to do this whether they've studied revisionist literary criticism or not. Readers need to be able to identify with mainstream fictional characters. Isn't that one of the basic reasons that art exists?(Personally, I don't see Austen's Darcy as an Aspie. But, hey, wouldn't it be nice if someone wrote a really awesome book in which my son was the romantic hero of the century? Of course.)

Aspergers and Xena, Warrior Princess and Albert Einstein and Jar Jar Binks. And sex.

* I was gonna put in a disclaimer, clarifying for new readers that this was a joke because I've never been diagnosed with AS, but that my son has. FYI. But then I thought, "Why?"

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3:34 PM #
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Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Linkelodeon

1. Zadie Smith cohosted a short story contest. Eight hundred and fifty people entered. Then, Ms. Smith informed the entrants that none of their stories were good enough to win. Ouchies.

No, I didn't enter, because I didn't hear about the contest until now. But if I'd entered, I would be walking around with a drink in my hand right now, telling people, "Zadie Smith doesn't care for my writing." Too bad I didn't enter, then. Next year I will.

2. I kind of suspect this is a publicity stunt, or kind of hope it is, for the sake of everyone involved: One of Gawker's former editors "secretly" hooked up with another one of Gawker's editors, and one of the two apparently kept a "secret" blog about the relationship. And so the other of the two went ahead and wrote a big old essay about it for Page 6 mag, telling everyone in the world who didn't already know.

3. Related subject, on the internets and in my mind: A long time ago, Tracie Egan wrote an essay about trying to get her rape fantasy fulfilled. I was interested to find out what would happen, so read eagerly. But then, it turned into a sad story about thwarted hopes, all the way around.

All three preceding links via Gawker, which is my painful weekday addiction.

4. Ashton Kutcher at your middle school dance.

5. The Barbie Tarot, via Pop Culture Junk Mail.

6. This is old, but still true: Roast Beef and Ray discuss McDonald's vs Starbucks.

7. I keep seeing this Star Wars cook book at Urban Outfitters and wanting it, even though the recipes themselves aren't that exciting. The pictures are funny, though.

8. Another old thing. We saw this SNL rerun Digital Short the other night, and can't stop thinking about it: People Getting Punched Just Before Eating. You have to watch a commercial first, sorry. That's the price of legal content viewing. Also, please view with sound on, as the song is half the magic.

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12:01 PM #
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Friday, February 01, 2008

Friday Linkelodeon for People Who Are Bored

1. How to Make an Earbud Cord Caddy. I showed this to my boyfriend and he was like, "We could make those and sell them!" and I was like, "No, too sweatshop for too little money." But it would be fun to make one, if I had an I-Pod.

2. Do you need a Burt Reynolds purse? I think you might.

3. So this nature writer finds out that a very prolific, best-selling romance novelist plagiarized from his article about black-footed ferrets. And he writes a pretty funny, good-sport piece about it.
Meanwhile, on the site of the initial plagiarism discovery, readers are scanning the novelist's other books and finding plagiarism galore.

4. The AV Club ranks on progressive rock album covers. I knew, before even looking, that a Yes album would be included.

5. Sometimes I love the NPR program This American Life, and sometimes I don't. Often, listening to the stories in my van, I can't help tearing up a little. I loved the story of the evangelically raised student who took on a demon at his university.

On the other hand, I hated the story about the girl who got a heart transplant thanks to a boy who'd been murdered by gang members. That one literally made me sob, I was so upset by the self-centeredness of some of its characters. I remember sitting in the parking lot of Home Depot, waiting for the story to end, and then waiting to get hold of myself, it upset me so much. But don't get me wrong -- it's totally worth hearing.

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12:04 PM #
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Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Linkelodeon

Tom Cruise promotes Scientology in a scary way, in a video that is apparently exclusive to Gawker right now. (Remind me to post later about my varied experiences with cult members.)

I didn't want to let this happen again, but I'm addicted to American Gladiators. And so are my kids. After only two episodes, too. My favorite Gladiatrix so far is Crush, because she has awesome hair.

Pretty Indian wedding dresses! If I were to wear one for my own wedding, it'd be this one. Not that I'm trying to appopriate anyone's culture. I'm just saying -- I want a fancy pink dress, and that's the best one I've seen so far.

I know this chick who took a class on lampworking, and then started her own little side business making and selling glass beads. She's doing really well at it, and I've been meaning to tell y'all that I admire her. She thought up an idea, then just went for it. You know?

My favorite site that I can't read.

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6:05 PM #
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Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Sighz lol!!!1!!

Remember how I told y'all, a while back, a few thousand times, that I had a novel coming out in Spring of 2008? Well, I just found out that it's been pushed back for a second time, to January 2009.

What does this mean to you? It means that, by the time Houston, We Have a Problema is actually available for sale, you'll feel like you already read it two years before.

However, it does not mean that I won't be there, January 2009, nagging you to buy it. In the mean time, I just have to update all the tiny places on my blog that now mention the wrong date... Here I go... Doo de doo...

In other book news: I'm pretty sure my first kids' book, Growing Up with Tamales, is still coming out in May 2008. I mean, I hope it is. It's at the printer now, they tell me.

There. Now you have renewed reason to be envious of my life, which is the glamorous life of a published author.

Special Linkelodeon Single-Link Feature

My new favorite site is LOLSecretz. It's a cross between Post Secret (which I have always suspected is mostly faked) and LOL Cats.

Sample:
I UZED 2 B SO INTO U.

I like the way the best submissions parody the Post Secret style -- the single shocking sentence, or the one-sentence layout and second-sentence twist. It's like LOL Cats, but nine thousand times more nuanced and hilarious.

Yes, it's a sickness, I know. Yes, I fear the day that someone catches my boyfriend and I speaking LOLSpeak to each other. We don't even do it ironically anymore.

Me: We R going 2 lunchez now?
Tad: Yes, I can haz rice 4 us.
Stranger passerby: What the hell is wrong with you two? Are you not grown adults? Why are you talking like that?
Me and Tad: O noes!!!!!1!!!1!!

Never do your job well.

If you do your job well (quickly, correctly, efficiently, with minimum complaining), then you will be rewarded with extra work. People will start stacking crap on your desk with little Post-Its that say, at first, "Rhonda: Can you please process this cog today so I don't have to do the extra widget report on it? Thanks!! :)"

Then, they'll stack stuff on your desk with Post-Its that say "Rhonda: Need today please thx."

Then, they'll stack stuff on your chair with Post-Its that say, "TODAY."

No one will ever say, "Man, Rhonda sure processes those cogs quickly. Remember, before she came here, how we used to have cogs stacked up all over the place, waiting to be processed, necessitating extra widget reports and late fees? I'm glad Rhonda works with us. She's awesome."

But people will say, "Man, Rhonda sure has been acting bitchy lately. What's up her butt? Oh, hey, are you going by her desk? Can you put these cogs on her chair? They're not due 'til next month, but she may as well get them to me before I go on vacation."

So don't do your job well. Do just enough to get by, and surf the Web all day, like everyone else. You'll be happier.

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6:37 AM #
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Friday, August 31, 2007

Lindelodeon! Again!

Tucker Carlson has a violent brush with gayness, and Gawker commenters put it into perspective.

An artist's rendering of Britney Spears endorsing Photoshop in a Can.

M. Giant discusses The Man with the Yellow Hat's incompetent monkey parenting.

I very much love reading the Houston Chronicle online since they opened comments on each article. Chronicle readers get so awesomely passionate, whether second-guessing Dear Abby or weighing in on those slutty, slutty women who have sex with people they meet online. (Where is the study about men having sex on the first date? Why, in the year 2007, would we still care more about women's promiscuity than men's? Someone ask UT researchers for me.)

Did y'all hear that Maggie Gyllenhaal is taking over Katie Holmes' role in the next Batman movie? Check out what she says about how she'll set herself apart -- how she won't be "some generic lady in a dress." Normally, when tabloids report that one celebrity dissed another, it's completely exaggerated. But I did think this quote was kind of cold blooded. In an awesome way.

I never really understood the stereotypical gay man's obsession with old film stars... but these pictures and anecdotes are making me a believer. Either that, or they're making me a lesbian. Maureen O'Hara = beautiful. Hedy Lamarr = hot and surprisingly brilliant. Gene Tierney = dang, girl! Slow down with all that smoldering!

The Museum of Bad Art.

Jet plane earrings.
Cherry earrings.
Toast earrings.
Crayon box earrings.
And one very interesting money box.

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1:08 PM #
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Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Linkelodeon
(i.e., Sending You Somewhere Funnier or More Interesting)
(i.e., what I've been emailing to my friends lately)

This Onion article supposed to be satirical. And, in general, I prefer Banana Republic's and Ann Taylor Loft's "classic" style to that of the Gap. But, in my mind, this is how all men should think about their clothes, and this is how classic and variable all clothing should be:
This Gap Sweater is Fucking Awesome.

Over at The Atlantic, B.R. Myers points out a bunch of emperors who aren't wearing clothes. (This is a big old article about books. Only read it if you are hardcore into books, like I am. Oh, and you have to be hardcore into literary bitch-slapping, too.)

Pop-cult worlds collide as the captain of Serenity goes back to OLTL. Do you know what I'm talking about? Did I just out myself as a geek/loser on two fronts at once?

I heard there was gonna be something called a Maker Faire in Austin this October. I got all excited, thinking it was like a craft fair for hipsters. (With, you know, the ghostly, sad-faced felt animals and appliques and prints that hipster craftsters are always making.) I thought we could go there this fall instead of going to the Ren Fest, which never changes. But then I scoped the web site and saw that this Maker Faire appears to be more about recycling/reducing/reusing, and science. And... bleh. Anybody been to the one in San Francisco? How was it?

There's this site called BookTour where you can look up your fave authors and see if/when they'll be reading at a place near you. I'm telling you this because my editor asked me and her other authors to please register on it. I don't have any readings listed yet, because I'm lazy and bad. But when I do have some readings to report, they will be there. Also, I think my fellow author/blogger Rob might have some stuff on there, so you can scope him out and then tell him he owes me kickbacks for sending you to see him.

The classic mother-daughter talk, simplified.

In case you don't read Gawker or any other site where authors get ridiculed, I'm here to link you to old (yet fascinating) drama.
1. Pulitzer-prize-winning author Robert Olen Butler sent an email to his grad students, explaining (in extreme personal detail) the facts surrounding his wife leaving him. The email got leaked.
2. Robert Olen Butler got upset with Gawker for putting his email online.
3. Robert Olen Butler explains himself, in even greater detail.
As always, the comments are scathing. Only click those if you're hardcore into scathing, literary, super-wrecky trainwrecks.

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6:55 AM #
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Friday, April 27, 2007

Linkelodeon

Two creative writing students record their observations of Alec Baldwin's Yale visit. "She grabs my neck and pulls me towards her. 'He's looking at me like this and them he says, what are you doing after this?'"

You'll either laugh at LOLcats, or else you won't and then I'll wonder what part of the brain we do not have in common. (And I'll know that you can't appreciate the fact that I has a flavor.) In case you need help, Anil Dash explains the living shit out of it.

Regarding this most sickeningly cute kitten montage, for the bottom left photo, my boyfriend has suggested the LOL-esque caption "I R modeling for plezzure."

I love to read about people's crappy gift experiences, even when they're for made-up holidays. I think "Administrative Professionals' Day" has taken the place of Valentine's Day as the date for the most disappointments.

It's hard to keep up with the TV shows these days, so my family and I usually avoid them, then rent and watch whole seasons via Netflix. (Your Source for Effed-Up and Mislabeled DVDs, I think is their motto.) So we're starting on Season 2 of Battlestar Galactica now, and I'm totally obsessed with it. And, if I'm obsessed with a show, that has to mean that somebody's obsessed enough to make some hot, sexy slashfic out of it. Right?

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6:21 AM #
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Thursday, June 01, 2006

Linkelodeon!

Dude, you know someone at Mattel got fired over this "Oreo Barbie", which has since been recalled. Hopefully Mattel has since hired at least one person of each non-white race in which they make the dolls, so stuff like this won't happen. Seriously, though - why didn't at least one white person there know what Oreo means when used to describe a black person? I'm not black, and I know. Weren't they using that term on The Jeffersons a hundred freaking years ago?

All of a sudden, everybody's talking about this YouTube thing. My boyfriend showed it to me last week, and I can tell already that it's going to revolutionize my life. At the most bacic, it's like being able to share any song with anybody, without having to download MP3s. Plus - the videos!

Look. This was the most influential music video of my youth. God, I so wanted to be Dale Bozzio and marry her keyboard player.

Here is a sample of the kind of dialogue that takes place between me and my boyfriend every night now, while he's home on his computer and I'm home on mine, since he found YouTube.

ME: Oh my god, I heard this old-ass '80s song on the HD radio today, but I don't know who sings it.

HIM: How does it go?

ME: The guy's like, "No one can stop me now... Tonight I'm on the loose!" and then, "No one can tell us how... TONIGHT YOU'RE ON THE LOOSE!!" And he's kind of like Peter Schilling, but kind of like Loverboy?

HIM: Hmm. I don't remember it.

ME: Come on. The keyboard's like, "Doo doo doo-doo, doo doo doo doo doo..."

HIM: No.

ME: And the guitar's like, "DUH! Duh, nuh, nuh-nuh NUH!"

HIM: Is it "On the Loose" by Saga?

ME: Uh...

HIM: I just sent you a link.

ME: Oh my god! OH MY GOD. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. YOU FUCKING RULE.

You can use it for videos that aren't '80s music videos, too. Or so I hear...

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10:48 AM #
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Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Linkelodeon!

Alert reader Tanya C. writes:

Hi Gwen,

I was goofing off and went to the Fritos site, and there is a recipe section you must see:
http://www.ilovechilipie.com/Recipes.aspx

Swear to god, most of them are the same thing with a tiny bit of variation, like add some onions, etc. But my favorite is the Fritos Chili Pie in a Bag*, which is the same as the Walk Around Fritos Chili Pie, except it seems to call for chipped onions.... For some reason it all struck me as hilarious.

*"Perfect when you are in a convenience store and want a mini-meal on the go." Like, say if you're robbing the store or like, kidnapping someone and you're on the go!

Of course I wrote back to Tanya and informed her that Frito Pie in the Frito Bag is popular school-carnival fare here, and that maybe we should consider mailing emptied Frito bags to impoverished countries that are bereft of waterproof materials. Good job, Tanya, on finding snack resources for criminals and lazy single moms alike.

In other "Found While Goofing Off" news...

What are heirloom vegetables? Besides my latest mini-obsession, you mean? They're non-hybrid vegetables - meaning ones that have been planted since forever ago. Meaning not the ones at most grocery stores, which, if you plant their seeds, will degenerate into inferior-DNA-ed species. My newest fantasy is to convince my boyfriend's retired, hobby-less father to start a garden. Then, I will buy him seeds from the heirloom seed catalogue I couldn't resist having mailed to my gardenless apartment. Then, I will reap the harvest. My boyfriend is supposed to talk to his dad about this tonight. I'll keep you updated.

Author and heirloom vegetable enthusiast Amy Goldman creates art from really sexy squashes and melons, which are, incidentally, my favorite sections of the seed catalogue.

Is Monsanto evil? Monsanto is a big ol' corporation that genetically engineers plants and seeds. And bovine growth hormones and Agent Orange, from what I'm reading. I like Old Hippie's Monsanto Site, which tells you who on Bush's cabinet is an ex-Monsanto exec. (Clarence Thomas is one. Who knew he liked gardening, too?) If you want to know more, all you have to do is Google "monsanto evil." Want a personal perspective? Read Queen of the Harpies' take on ex-cops visiting old men to make sure they don't save and plant their Monsanto seeds. There's some scary stuff going on in the world.

But heirloom seeds are not scary. And they're not created by Monsanto. No, they're created by Mother Nature, with help from people who were into plant breeding back in Victorian times. Okay, well... I take that back. Some of the tomatoes are a little scary. But in a cool way, you know?

The Project Runway contestants showed their collections at NYC Fashion Week.
Here is Santino's collection.
Here is Chloe's collection.
Here is Daniel's collection.
Here is Kara's collection.

I was surprised to find that I didn't like Chloe's much at all, given that she's been my steadfast pick for winner. For all the talk of Santino not designing with women's bodies in mind, I have to say that his collection contained the most items that I could imagine my chunk-style body wearing. Lastly: I wish people weren't so lookist. Daniel's designs aren't that good, but people love him because he's handsome, so his clothes benefit from that. Would I sleep with Daniel if he were hetero? Sure. Would I buy his clothes? Probably not.

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2:39 PM #
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Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Linkelodeon

Here's what I've been checking out lately:

Project Runway contestant Diana Eng's blog.

Project Runway contestant Santino Rice's blog - notable for the entry comments in which an anonymous person posted Daniel/Andrae slash fic.

This Nextbook column by Shalom Auslander, who read the awesomest story on NPR the other day. Yes, I was listening to NPR on the way to Austin the weekend before last. I like to hear the little radio skits they do. Yes, I'm getting old. I know.

Stuff On My Cat. Only funny sometimes.

Cute Overload. Only cute sometimes. Or maybe I'm just a cynical hater with too-high standards for cuteness.

Salon. Not so much for its articles anymore, but for all the vehement comments on the articles since they put their "Letters to the Editor" in blog-comment format. No one is spared. Ayelet Waldman? Hated. Anne LaMott? Ridiculed. Garrison Keillor? Dismissed. It's a blood bath. I can only read it every other day now, it's so soaked in haterade. But I love it.

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8:10 AM #
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Monday, December 13, 2004

One of the Most Beautiful Places in Texas

It's unfortunate that it's so hard to photograph beautiful places. Also, it's unfortunate that I'm not very well-traveled. Because of the latter, I may be more easily impressed by watery landscapes that any given person. Either way, here is a link to the best photos I could find of where my kids and I went camping this weekend. Brian Greenstone did a very good job of capturing the rocks and the enormity. But no photograph could capture the sound, the movement, or the exact clean transclucent greenness of the water.

The other beautiful place I've loved in Texas is Lake Travis in Austin - the cliffy bit that looks almost like Hawaii. People say that Big Bend is beautiful, too, but I haven't been there yet. Some day.

Smeagol's Journey

Our cat ran away Thursday night while we were packing the car for our trip. I should have known he'd do it, because for a couple of weeks before that, he'd been sniffing the air through the open windows in a very excited way.

So he left, and he answer our cries that night, late that night, the next morning, or later Friday when we left town. Rory left his food bowl on the patio.

As we drove back home on Sunday afternoon, I remarked upon how much I was looking forward to seeing my boyfriend Tad.

"I miss Smeagol like you miss Tad," Rory said. All three kids wished aloud that Smeagol would be waiting on the patio when we got home.

He wasn't. Tad came over. We ordered pizza. We prepared to watch Saved! on DVD.

We heard pitiful meowing through the open window.

We ran to bring Smeagol into the apartment. He crept very slowly through the hedges and to our door. His torso was thinner and his white parts had become off-white. He had dried blood on his ear and his paw-pads were swollen red. His eyes weren't as sparkly as they used to be, when he was lolling around at home all day, bored and tearing up the furniture. He looked really tired.

We offered him food and petting. All he wanted was sleep. He slept through the whole movie (which was funny), right there with us, stretched out on the living room floor.

Later, he carefully stepped around the apartment, re-examining every familiar room. Tad and I surmised that he'd gone through some trauma over the weekend. Tad guessed that he probably wouldn't be so quick to run outside again. I wondered if he'd look back on all the times we'd kept him in against his will, this time with a new understanding and appreciation of our concern.

Who knows? Who can say if cats feel regret? Either way, Smeagol became a man this weekend. As much of a man as a cat without testicles can become, I mean.

Linkelodeon


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1:36 PM #
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Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Linkelodeon

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9:31 PM #
(3) comments

Sunday, October 10, 2004

Linkelodeon


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8:15 PM #
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Monday, August 09, 2004

Linkelodeon

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8:33 AM #
(1) comments

Tuesday, July 06, 2004

Linkelodeon

1. The Worst Romance Novel Covers of 2003. Except that, by "Worst", I think they actually meant "disturbingly freaking awesome".

2. "I don't have any toenails that pretty but I think I have one that's sort of a pretty greenish-yellowish color. if it weren't for my wife I think I could win this contest - she MAKES me cut them. Wives - why are they so mean to their husbands?"

3. Spanish Verbal Essence. (Okay, it's a verb conjugator - not, like, one of those Santeria soaps that makes you able to smooth-talk or something.)

4. John Kerry's rock band. As I said to a politically astute coworker the other day - among two evils, the evil with the rock band always wins.

5. Esquire's Brutally Honest Personals, via SDW.

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5:22 PM #
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Tuesday, April 13, 2004

linkelodeon

* OPB = other people's blogs.

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6:18 AM #
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Saturday, March 06, 2004

linkelodeon



My favorite song of the week

is "Soul Taker" by Apoptygma Berserk, which is weird because I've never really thought they were as great as my boyfriend's worshipful fandom makes them out to be. But this one song is really spooky and good.

last night

Last night we went out to ghetto-ass Club Go and watched people rub cocaine remnants from their noses and grind on strangers while bored go-go dancers danced in their sleep above us all. Then we adjourned to our old standby, #s. Jennifer was there. She promised to keep her hairstyle the same always so I'll be sure to remember her. Then she danced. That girl can dance so bad-ass with a plastic cup of screwdriver in her hand.

Reason Number 73 Why I Love My People

My native tongue is English and I speak it well, as goes for everyone in my immediate family. But that doesn't stop my brothers and me from abusing articles and possessives, distorting store names especially into things like "the Goodwill" or "Kroger's" or "[anything beginning with The said without the The]". Everybody in our neighborhood did it. I think it gave me a slight smug satisfaction to disrespect the names of establishments making more money than my daddy.

But I never thought of it more than subconsciously until my friend Letty said something funny about the phenomenon. We were talking about a local Latino gay bar called NRG. "Or," Letty says, "You know how our people are, so it could also be referred to as NRG's, The NRG, The Energies, etc." I laughed. Funny 'cause it's true.

Yesterday I heard myself tell Tad, "So do you still want to see Passion of the Christ, even though it's supposed to be stupid and violent?" And I caught myself say that, and I started to correct myself, but then decided I didn't care. I don't respect that movie, anyway.

To be honest, I probably picked it up from two obviously Mexican girls loudly sharing a dressing room with me at Foley's last week.

Girl One: Shut UP!
Girl Two: No, YOU shut up!
Girl One: Okay, for real, mamona, tell me como se mira esta falda.
Girl Two: It's too loose on your nalgas.
Girl One: Well, HE-E-E-ELP MEEEE! Come ON-N-N-N! I wanna look good for our first date, you know?
Girl Two: Cayate, huey! Where's he taking you, anyways?
Girl One: To see The Passion of the Christ.

I resisted the urge to advise perfect strangers against such fare for a first date. (That's more like a dating-for-ten-months movie, as exemplified by my acquiescence to Tad's request.)

Later, when I repeated her misnomer, I reflected on the natural tendency of my people to set off words in such a way. It's not "What in hell is going on here?" y'all. It's "What in THE HELL is going on here? Why can't y'all two babosas be more quiet?"

Last night I used the bastardized movie title again in front of everyone. One of Tad's friends repeated, "Passion of the Christ... wait, that's what it's called, right?"

"Yes," I said. "Yeah, that's right."

Ha, ha, ha. Fight the powers, y'all. Fight the Man.

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8:13 PM #
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Saturday, November 15, 2003

linkelodeon

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11:26 PM #
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Tuesday, June 17, 2003

he told me

The other day I was in the parking lot of Cottage Thrift Store on Westheimer with a friend. A homeless man was going through a nearby dumpster. Then he walked up with what looked like a jar of baked beans. I looked at him to make sure he wasn't about to throw beans on my skirt. Instead, he looked right back at me and muttered, "Turn your fat [non sequitorishly insensible words] you hell batch." Then he threw the beans on the ground as he stomped down the block.

I think he meant "hell bitch" but he had a strong accent.

I kept calling myself Hell Bitch for the rest of the day.



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2:56 PM #
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