September 15, 1997 - Monday

Confession time: I like to read romance novels. (Are you screaming "gack!" yet?) Usually I read Regency romances. Those are the ones set in England during the reign of Mad King George and his son. (See? I actually learned something from the cheese. Don't ask me the exact years, though. Okay... I'll guess and say 1770-1812. That's probably only a few decades off.) Sometimes I read other kinds of historical romances, but I prefer the Regencies.

The other day I was reading one, and someone whose name I won't say asked me "Why do women read those? Why don't they just look at erotic magazines and masturbate?" [not in those exact words, though.] And I said "Paul, you just don't understand."

I mean, I'm sure that there are some women who read romances for that purpose, but then again, I'm sure there are a multitude of reasons for reading them.
Like maybe:

• because you have nothing better to do.
• because you like to read cheese, in the same way that you like to watch campy stuff on TV such as Xena and 90210.
• to study history in a non-boring, non-white-male-centric way. Maybe you prefer the pretty-slender-white-female-centric, glossed-over view.
• to study modern sociology. You can tell by reading the books and looking at the covers that in the 60's, it was considered attractive for women to act helpless and speak in a breathy voice. In the 70's, admirable Peers of the Realm were those who didn't mind hanging out with people from all stratas of society. Maybe they befriended prostitutes and Cockney boxers. They were cool like that. In the 80's, the best thing a heroine could do was champion chimney-sweeper rights, donate huge sums to charities (anonymously,) speak her mind at all costs, bring home the bacon, show Cook how to fry it up in a pan, and never never never let her Duke forget he's a man.
  I'm not too sure about the 90's yet. I haven't gotten to that shelf in the used bookstore yet.
• to glean tips on how to catch a duke. (Dukes are better than earls or marquesses, you know.) You have to be smart. You have to be tender, yet strong. You have to scorn womanly arts such as embroidery and pianoforte playing, and learn things like whist and riding in breeches if you want to keep your man intrigued. And, as always, having huge eyes and a slender-yet-voluptuous figure helps.

There are different historical romances for different moods and personality types. Do you crave lavish camp, but not a lot of perversion? Read a Regency. Are you into the simple life and a small amount of B&D? Read a Western. Do you want something totally freaky, nasty, and depraved (for research purposes, of course)? Then be sure to get a book with an innocuous-looking cover. The ones with a guy and a girl on the front are tame. The raunchy ones are always hidden behind a cover with something like a crown or a necklace on it. (Freudian symbolism? You tell me.)

My favorite romances of all are the ones that are written by, like, marine biologists. I like it when I read one, and I think "Wow, this person actually writes pretty well" and then I see the About the Author paragraph on the back inside cover, and it's some woman who was ashamed to even show her picture, and apparently just whipped out the book between major scientific accomplishments in order to satisfy some primal, trashy need.

Also, I like authors who are funny.
Right now I like Julie Caille, Theresa DesJardiens (there's a dubious nom de plume for ya,) and Marion Chesney. There are some other people I liked more whose names I forgot to write down. If you have any suggestions for me, email me and let me know. You can use an alias if you want.

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