May 3, Houston: The big one -- the Inprint reading -- occurs at the Alley Theatre on Monday, May 3. Do not miss it or you'll be sorry. I'm not kidding -- I'm going to say the craziest, most intellectual yet hilarious stuff I can think of, and I'll be sharing the stage with the ultra sexy Oscar Casares, too.
June 24, Houston: I'm one of the peeps scheduled to read at Poison Pen, at Houston's famous Poison Girl bar. Besides me, everyone there will be ultra, *super* sexy. Come see me and drink!
June 26, Washington, DC: I'll be reading at the American Library Association conference. Come on down.
My other blog: Go read my the Houston Chronicle parenting blog (or my ChronMomBlog, as I like to call it) and make sure my kids won't resent me more than other kids resent their own parents.
Buy my new novel, Lone Star Legend. Already did? Well, buy a few more for your friends, then. :)
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Being a writer.A couple of weeks ago, I reached that point in a writer’s career where the writer stops reading reviews and stops searching for her own name on the Internet. Not a moment too soon – it was killing me. Every time I did it, I’d get anxious. What if some stranger – some person I’d never met and whose impressions I couldn’t control or even affect – said something bad? The fear of that eventuality was making me feel sick, every time I opened a new review, no matter how favorable the review was or how many times I found favorable ones.
Then, it finally happened – I read an unfavorable review. (A real review by someone who didn’t care for my book, I mean. Not a “How dare this woman write such a thing! I have issues!!!” review.) And, after reading it, I thought, “Yeah, I guess I can see why that person didn’t like it. Oh, well. Not everyone’s gonna like it.” And then I stopped worrying. And then I stopped searching.
I’m very glad when people like my writing – especially when they identify with my characters and feel less alone in the world after reading about them. But I no longer need to read about people’s opinions of my work (or me) in great detail anymore. I’ll do my work, put my work out there, and do more work for as long as they ask me to. I’ll continue enjoying the work of others. And that’s enough for right now.
Are you an artist? Did you or will you reach that point in regards to critiques about your work?
Here’s a conversation I have often:
Other person: Hello. I am obligated to interview you, speak to you, or otherwise interact with you because of my job.
Me: Okay.
[We conduct the interaction. Then, afterwards….]
Other person: You know, I’m a writer, too.
Me: You are?
Other person: Yes. I write [poems or plays or a novel or librettos for operettas about mimes]. But, unlike most writers, my goal isn’t to get published.
Me: Oh, really?
Other person: That’s right. See, my goal is to create art, for myself. I don’t care if anyone ever reads it. I don’t need other people to read my work in order to feel fulfilled as an artist.
Me: Well, that’s good. Congratulations.
Other person: [Voice gets louder and faster.] That’s right. Because I write for my love of the craft. Not for money. I think so many writers these days are writing for the wrong reasons. Don’t you agree?
Me: Hmm.
Other person: Sure, I could submit my work to an agent and probably get a two-book deal… if I were needy like that. But I’m not! I’m confident. Therefore, I don’t need the quote-unquote approval of being published, like some people. Do you know what I mean?
Me: Okay.
[Half an hour later…]
Other person: … and then I said to my friend who was debasing himself by sending his sonnets to all the journals, “Why do you hate yourself? Why are you so insecure? You must not be secure about yourself as an artist.” And he said, “I just signed a three-book deal.” And I felt sorry for him. You know why? Because….
Me: Right. Yeah. No, I know. Um, listen, are you going to email me the interview, when it’s done, so I can make revisions? Or are you just –
Other person: … because I’m a real writer! I’m the only kind of legitimate writer there is!! Anyone who seeks to be published is a lap-dog of popular culture and the lowest common denominator! Anyone who kisses ass in order to get published is….
Me: Okay. I have to go now. My kids are waiting for me. [Turns to go.]
Other person: What? Oh, okay. Hey, well, I’ll email you, okay? Take my card. Oh, and… Will you let me know if your agent’s looking for anyone? Hmm? Oh, okay. All right. Good talking to you! :) Bye!!!
(I’ll regret typing this half an hour after I post it. Then I may or may not take it down. But, then again, what am I risking? Being alienated from people like that? I’m too nice most of the time. See, people are rude to me and I just stand there and smile, because I want to be “nice.” Then, I worry about even describing the rudeness, because I’m *nice.* My friends tell me all the time – quit being nice to rude people and psychos, Gwen. Hell, I tell that to other women. (Except I don’t call them Gwen. I call them by their own first names.) ‘Cause it’s mainly a woman thing, right? No, it isn’t. Now that I think about it, I know men who are “too nice,” too, who put up with crap from people. Especially from interviewers or “connections.” You know why? Because, sometimes, unhappy people seek to have power over happy people. Like, if the “other person” described above put his/her energy into trying to get published, instead of putting it into trying in vain to make writers feel bad about being published, then this other person would probably succeed. But for some people, it’s way easier to put the energy into being negative. And then, for other people, like me, it’s easiest to just be “nice.” I hate being around the negative, unhappy people. But fighting them on their own terms would expel too much energy. My Nice Muscles are well developed. My Trying-to-Make-People-Feel-Bad Muscles are lax. Work to your strengths, I guess. That’s what I try to do.)
While I’m ranting…
let me just say something I’ve been wanting to say for a long time, which is this:
Homophobic parents, please stop encouraging your gay children to closet themselves.
I don’t know what the deal is, lately – maybe it’s just because I live in a conservative state? – but there have been quite a few closeted gay people in my life lately. And they are the most miserable, effed-up people I’ve ever met.
Seriously as hell, there have been at least four miserable closeted gay people in my life in the past year. And this is how my friends and I all talk about them:
“Joe just needs to come out.”
“I know.”
“He would be so much happier.”
“I know.”
“It’s, like, so lame – the way he’s always lying to us about all the women he sleeps with and whatever. It’s so uncomfortable to listen to him and know that he’s lying right to our faces and thinking that we’re dumb enough to believe him.”
“Or thinking that he has to lie to us, because he assumes we’re homophobes.”
“Right. I don’t know what the big deal is. Like, are his parents going to disown him if he comes out?”
“I guess. He never talks to them, anyway. They live in Hoboken.”
“It makes me think that he lies about other stuff, too. It makes me not trust him.”
“Really? I just feel sorry for him. He's young and handsome, and he could be happy dating guys, but he's not. He's throwing away his youth and he's gonna end up like Larry Craig, married to some woman and tapping his foot at a cop in the bathroom.”
“Really? I just lose respect for him. He’s so chickenshit.”
“You think so? He makes me sick, because I’m gay, and it’s like he’s saying that it’s shameful that I’m gay, and that you all must secretly be ashamed of my gayness.”
“Really? I just don’t care. I just ignore him as much as possible, because I can't deal with his closeted gayness.”
Then Joe walks in and says, “Oh, hi guys! Guess what! I just met a total blonde hottie with a nice ass and nice tits in the coffee shop today! And I’m going to screw her brains out! Ew, Bob, your shirt looks gay – watch out for the gays with that shirt on – they might gay you! Just kidding – your shirt’s fabulous, Bob! Let me feel the material…. Okay, well, I’m going upstairs to jerk off to this Victoria’s Secret catalog now! Because I’m straight! Toodles!”
And none of us say anything. And I imagine Joe’s parents, and I want to shake them until their teeth rattle. Just like they probably used to shake Joe.
If you have a son or daughter you suspect (know) is gay, and you're directly or indirectly asking that child to pretend not to be gay because you're worried about what others will think, then you are weak. You're not a good parent.
That's all.
I'm on the phone with AT&T Uverse now, and I have to save some ranty-ness for them.
:) 8:53 PM #
Comments:
Thank you for writing this.# posted by
Rob Rummel-Hudson : 11:24 AM
I'm writing and I hope to hell that it gets published and that other people read it and identify with it.
I have had a certain amount of art and design seen & commented on by the public and if they don't like it I'm okay with it now. If one person whom I can really identify with likes it then I am thrilled by that one person. I carry that person around with me (in my head) forever.
I completely agree with you on the parenting thing. I have two friends now who are in their late thirties and 'out.' But they weren't out when they were young men and both narrowly avoided becoming complete trainwrecks.
xoxox
# posted by
greenish gold : 11:50 AM
Great post. I'm with you all the way. Kind of shocked about the conversation with the closeted guy, can't imagine anyone talking like he does there. Yikes. I suppose lots of offensive straight guys must (?) but I don't hang out with them.
Usually when people rant it makes me squirm a bit, but your rant is funny and witty and interesting, and I guess that's from the same thing that makes you not yell at rude people. So, our benefit there :)
# posted by
alice : 12:13 PM
Congratulations on your latest books. I can't wait to get them.
Writing "for yourself" means you should never even tell anyone you're writing, right? That's what I want to say to those types. There's usually one in every workshop who doesn't want critiques because it's just for him or herself. Please.
I hoard my work because I'm scared of a negative response. Which is stupid. The only times I ever entered a contest, I won. Small contests, but still. The only time I ever read in public, at an art show, I got really good, seemingly sincere comments afterwards from strangers. I assume all the friends in my poetry group compliment my work because they like me personally. I am an idiot! I hope to change.
I still remember a poetry prof making fun of one of my poems in a group workshop at BreadLoaf 14 years ago. She summed it up by mockingly singing the chorus to "breaking up is hard to do."
# posted by
Marigoldie : 12:31 PM
I had that kind of reaction with my music... I was getting a few dozen reviews, some good, some bad, and was surprised at how once the first bad one rolled along I wasn't devastated by it. I tried to pick the valid points from the just plain "difference in taste" points and use it to learn for the next go 'round.
Maybe I shouldn't be, but I'm surprised at the hostile reaction you mention some people having about publishing their writing. I haven't really found that with music, but I guess maybe musicians are more honest about trying to have fun and/or trying to be successful at it. Or maybe it's because music reviewers aren't necessarily musicians the same way that book reviewers are by their very nature writers themselves!
Also? Closets suck. Amidst all the marches and rallies I just think the best thing any gay person can do for the "movement" is to just be totally out. And if you're straight, make sure you make it clear to those around you that you think gays are great. It may make it easier for someone around you to come out.
# posted by
Michael Histen : 2:41 PM
I have similar issues with other photographers who need to show me that their lens is bigger than mine. Okay. Congratulations. You have spent more money on equipment than I have. Perhaps you take better photos than I do. Who cares? Photography isn't a competitive sport; neither is writing.
I worked for years and years with a closeted man who broke my heart. He had a double-whammy community prohibition against his "lifestyle" and I can understand his anxiety. It isn't right though. How in the world am I damaged by someone else's sexuality? How? Why is it any of my business? Who am I to pass judgment on anybody else, particularly when they are just trying to live their lives. Damn.
Sorry. Got kinda wound up there.
# posted by
jagosaurus : 5:09 PM
There's a movie on Sat. night called "Prayers for Bobby" on the Lifetime Channel that you may want to watch or record for later.
# posted by
: 8:10 PM
I am so glad you're beyond the point of sweating every review because I won a copy of ''Houston'' and I think it.........IS TERRIFIC!!! Great job!!
Also, homophobes in the form of parents, siblings, ''friends'' etc all need to go pound sand; being determined to make someone you allege to care about uncomfortable in their own skin isn't excusable.
# posted by
Charming Driver : 12:17 AM
Sorry that you're having to deal with jealous frustrated writers. You should start just referring them to a therapist once they start.
I know someone so closeted that I'm not even sure that he has an inkling that he is gay. His parents' homophobic religion and culture of origin (is that a term?) could lead them to condemn and shun him. He used to valiantly try to date women and allow himself to be set up all the time but he hasn't dated for at least a year. He's very unhappy with many parts of his life but doesn't seem to connect the dots. It is truly heartbreaking. I'm sure his parents would be upset and disappointed but I imagine they'd prefer him actually happy and alive to where I see him headed.
- Maggie
# posted by
: 6:40 PM
All of this reminds me of why I have loved your blog for the past tenish years.
Thank you. Seriously. For reals.
# posted by
That Chick Over There : 8:57 PM
I wouldn't be so nice. Aren't they getting paid for writing a review of your writing?
Tracey
# posted by
: 1:14 AM
Hi Gwen, just found you blog indirectly through an email about Las Comadres teleconference. Congratulations on your success. I'm a "creative" (writing,art,music), and my primary focus is writing. I am not published yet but hope to be! I have not had an encounter like the one you describe but I do get insulted quite regularly for writing romance and women's fiction. But the best part about this is that the insults generally come from folks who don't write at all. They read (or so they say). And they only read books that are "important", or to them, books that LOOK like literary fiction. They think all slickly produced trade paperbacks are literary. After awhile, I just throw my hands in the air and say whatever to them. Okay - don't want to rant on your blog (I do that enough on my own-:). Best wishes to you with your writing.
# posted by
Arlene : 6:49 AM
Gwen, repeat the mantra: I just need to find my people. Your people are the ones who appreciate/get/enjoy what you do. That's it!
When you can remind yourself to just do your own work, whatever it looks like, it makes the weird comments kind of amusing. And if you're doing creative work, you're going to get weird comments. The comments are not from your people, and that's okay.
I read "Houston" and enjoyed it. You've got a lot of strengths as a writer. (Starting with the basics: such a good grasp of grammar that it's never work to parse your writing, natural dialog, good visual images, good pacing, great sense of place...) Go, Gwen!
Karin
# posted by
Karin Carter : 4:44 PM
You crack me up, as always. Even when you are ranting you are hilarious. Do you think I made my win a Gwen book contest too hard? Do you think "name Gwen's cats too much?"
# posted by
ShoeGirl : 11:06 PM
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