I'll be reading Growing Up with Tamales for story time at Blue Willow Bookshop, in Houston, on Thursday morning, May 15. Tell everyone you know with kids in the Houston area. How do you find and support local indie book stores like Blue Willow? By going to Booksense.
On Saturday, May 17, I'll be in Dallas, reading and signing at the J. Erik Jonsson Central Library, for the 13th Dallas Children’s Book Fair & Literary Festival.
On June 22, here in Houston, I'm going to do a poetry workshop. It's free and open to the public, y'all, and they're having one every Sunday in June, taught by local poets I love and respect. So come on down.
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Happy 2008Did you have a good New Year's Eve? We did. My boyfriend Tad and his friends threw a party. At first, no one RSVPed on our Evite, because they all had clubs or hotel parties to attend. So we assumed it'd just be our core group of four couples, minus the couple who just had a baby. I thought we'd just drink and play cards, you know?
But a couple of people showed up. Then, as the night went on, people would call one of the hosts and ask what we were doing. And the host would say, "We're staying home because we don't want to mess with parking and traffic and the weather and all that shit. Come over if you want." And, by midnight, we had a pretty sizeable group of people, many of whom I'd never met before, but all of whom were awesome. Has that ever happened to you -- that you throw a party and it lines up with the planets such that every single person attending is either smart, funny, sexy, or all three? No jerks, no vomiting? That's what happened. Everyone was awesome, even to the point that they helped us clean up. Tad went to bed at 5:30. I went to bed at 7 AM, only because the sun was coming up and the people I was hanging with in the garage had a long drive home.
It was fun. It was a good start to the new year.
Quick List of Recent Annoyances
I have to get this out of my system.
1. People who block the intersection on red lights.
2. People who look at your jacket and scarf and gloves and not only have to let you know that they aren't bothered by the cold, but that you're a wussy/whiner/baby for needing a jacket. Bonus annoyance: Flashing back to that 80 degree day last summer, when you were comfortable but that person was sweating profusely and whining about the heat, but you sympathized with her, because you're not an asshole.
3. People who bring up your good news in conversation, and then call you a show-off because of it. Like, "Have you lost weight? Show off!" or "Is that a new blouse? Show off!" or "Are you a generally happy person? Show off!"
4. People who go out of their way to look cool, and who ignore you at social gatherings because you don't look cool enough, and who pretend not to recognize you in public, even though you've met them more than once. Bonus annoyance: If/when those people later decide you're cool ("You write books? I'm trying to write a book! Who's your agent? We should have lunch!") and suddenly act all friendly, as if their previous rudeness never occurred.
5. Networking events, because they're completely filled with people like the ones described above, and because I don't want to walk around with cheese and cheap wine in my hands, being judged by these people. And I don't like bragging that I'm a writer ("Show off!"), especially not to people like that. I would rather sit home and write, or attend a party where everyone already knows I'm a writer and no longer cares, or stand up on stage and read my books to people who are there because they like my writing, and not because they think I can do something for their careers.
6. People who dislike you and go out of their way to show it in the pettiest way possible (by forwarding jokes and "inspirational" emails to everyone in the department but you, by bringing baked goods and personally informing every person in the department except you)... but then expect you to greet them in the halls and introduce them to your boyfriend and/or fiance. And make a face of disbelief when you ignore them. As if you would want to contaminate your boyfriend and/or fiance with the misery that exudes from their pores.
The planets have plans for you in 2008. Even Planet Pluto. Even Planet Chiron.
All my horoscopes, as well as the moon phase planning guide my dad gave me for Christmas, have been telling me that this is the year I will succeed... if I first examine my habits and attitudes, and get over something I've been reluctant to get over.
I'm thinking it's the networking thing. Planets Pluto, Chiron, and Blitzen, in my Fifth House of Marketing, are asking that I get over my reluctance to brag and start up some serious self-promotion. (Say it: "Show off! SHOW OFF!")
There are things I've wanted -- writerly things -- that I've been afraid to ask for because I don't think I'm good enough yet. Like grants, or writer jobs, or bigger speaking fees. Because, you know, I'm never good enough, in my own mind. (If I were already good enough, I wouldn't have to work so hard, would I? :) )
Meanwhile, though, I see people with far fewer credentials than me, and they're getting the things I want. They're like, "Hi! I'm Mindy! I'm a writer!! My friend published my poem in his zine, and I have a novel outline in a shoebox under my bed!!!" And they're now teaching Creative Writing at Purdue. Or whatever.
And now it's to the point where even I think it's ridiculous. You know? I'm like, "Gwen. Come on. Seriously. What the hell are you doing? Stand up, declare yourself, and get what's rightfully yours."
But... I don't want to. You know? That's a difficult thing for me. You think I'm a narcissist, and you're right, but I'm still insecure, and I still have deep-seated fears of people calling me a show off. What happened to the time when writers could just stay home, drinking and writing, mailing pages to their agents, and get paid? Offered jobs? Showered with appropriate amounts of recognition, no matter how hard they tried to hide?
Maybe those days never really existed. The more experience I get, the more I suspect that those myths were carefully manufactured by people who were really good at networking.
So that's my first resolution for this year, then. Get over the last vestiges of insecurity, and move on with my life. I might regret posting all this, later today. If so, that probably means it really needed to be said.
All those long paragraphs were written in order to weed out the anti-fans
, the haters, the misery spreaders, the train-wreck seekers, the ojo givers, the bad vibe emanators.
All of those people are gone now and their negative energy has dissipated. So I can tell you: I'm engaged. Tad and I are engaged now. It happened on my birthday. I am happy.
And that's all the news on that now. There's no date set. Therefore, I can't answer questions about any weddings, any babies, or any shared funeral plots. (His sister's literal first question, upon hearing the news: "But aren't your tubes tied?" My response, "Uh, no, they aren't. Wait... what? the? what?") (I love his sister, though. Love you, Susan!)
I will say this: Even though I'm a feminist and I believe that marriage is an outdated institution and that society pressures people to conform to ridiculous, meaningless traditions... etc.... I did get this little frisson of excitement when I realized that I now have every right to peruse bridal magazines.
Even though I've seen them before, and I think they're boring, and I know they're all from the perspective of a culture that's neither Tad's nor mine. So I don't really even want to look at them. But I like knowing that I can, now, without worrying about what other people think.
So that's my good news, y'all, and that's all for this entry. Hope y'all's 2008 is good so far. I hope your planets are all lining up.
Labels: my sex life, psychobabble, venting, writing
5:52 AM #Comments:
Congratulations!Also, "frisson" is such a show-offy word.
# posted by
Amy D : 10:12 AM
GWEN! Yay!
That's so exciting!
I'm a feminist too, but perusing bridal magazines is SO MUCH FUN!
I'm very happy that you are happy.
Happy New Year.
-Amanda
# posted by
shrinking indigo : 10:12 AM
Congratulations!!!
(And don't get me started about the networking thing. I have a huge hang-up about that too.)
# posted by
Wendy : 10:31 AM
Congrats!!!!
# posted by
Amber : 10:46 AM
I totally got tears in my eyes reading this. Gwen, you deserve all the happiness in the world, and I'm so glad to see you getting it in such large quantities. Tad is a very lucky man, as I am sure he knows.
SNIFF!
I also have very good news for you: You do not need to go to networking events. Those are a carpetbombing exercise which yield little reward for all but the most rabidly driven climbers. What is called for is a sniper approach. Figure out who you'd genuinely like to meet, because they are good at what they do, have integrity, or just wear really cool shoes, and then meet them. The web is very handy for this, especially if you've already "met" the person's mind via their blog or writing and don't give much of a crap if they fail to respond as you hope. I got a ridiculously high-paying editing job at age 23 because I emailed a journalist whose work I adored, and we got talking, and one thing led to another. That's just one example, and I have dozens from my own experience. Bottom line: You don't have to go to networking events. If you REALLY do - because your publisher won't send your book to press unless you go to some M*ed** B*str* mixer or something - just go and have fun, knowing that the high schoolishness is all born of insecurity and fear.
Ugh, that sounded so patronizing, and I didn't mean it to. I just really hate those events, too, and know how useless they generally are. You don't have to live like that!
# posted by
Jackie Danicki : 10:59 AM
Congratulations!
# posted by
Jette : 11:10 AM
Outstanding, congratulations! I had all kinds of other comments about how networking and glad-handing aren't always the same thing, or how what feels like pricing yourself out of a market is what actually puts you in it ("She must be worth something if she's asking for a live sacrifice at every reading!"), but now I'm just happy for you and excited and that's more fun than career talk anyway.
# posted by
Mike : 11:14 AM
Congratulations on your engagement!!!
I think the wise sages of Weezer said it best. "If you want it, you can have it, but you got to learn to reach out there and grab it". 2008 holds great things for you. Happy New Year!
# posted by
: 11:23 AM
What great, great news! Congratulations to you both; what a fantastic way to start out 2008-an engagement *and* a great party!
# posted by
Angie : 11:52 AM
Congrats Gwen!
I don't comment often, but I am a regular reader and am always happy to find new posts.
# posted by
lisal : 11:54 AM
Hooray, Gwen and Tad! Congratulations on your engagement!
# posted by
Kaijsa : 12:25 PM
Congratulations! You don't know me from a hole in the wall, but I am happy for you. Imagine one sparkly little happy light in Seattle next time you look at a map of the US.
# posted by
girl_in_greenwood : 12:34 PM
Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!
# posted by
Lisa : 1:19 PM
At first I wanted to come on here and comment about my coworker who expresses her dislike for me in the exact same way as yours (sing-songed good-byes to every single person in every single cube except mine for instance) but then I saw that you are engaged now and that is so much more interesting, exciting, positive, and uplifting than complaining about any old hag's hatefulness could be. Congratulations to you and Tad!!
# posted by
: 2:29 PM
Thats great news! Felicidades! Sounds like 2008 has started out just right!
# posted by
: 2:32 PM
i have never met you but love your writing and i swear, i got choked up reading this post. Conratulations! you are an extraordinary woman and writer!
and for a different perspective on the networking thing: you are an inspiration to all young women writers and being in the public eye and moving around like that, you would certainly trigger a lot of creative minds to pursue their dreams!
Congrats and many more happy times!!!! =)
# posted by
-m- : 3:00 PM
Yay Gwen! Congratulations!
You are not the only person who needs to get over herself a bit on the networking thing. I haaaaaaate it for pretty much the same reasons you listed above and I really need to do it for, well, pretty much the same reasons you talked about.
# posted by
Beth : 3:05 PM
*squeeeeeeeeeeeee*
yay! congratulations to you and tad.
# posted by
: 3:08 PM
I am so glad to see all these good things happening for you! Congratulations on the engagement that is so exciting!
# posted by
greeblygreebly : 3:55 PM
Woohoo! I'm thrilled for you, Gwen! What a great surprise to slip in toward the end of your entry. Congratulations!
# posted by
Lex : 3:59 PM
I've yet to attend a networking event without feeling like an asshole and/or wanting to immediately bolt and get a drink.
But, more importantly, congratulations! All the haters can eat it ... eat it raw!
# posted by
elenajoyce : 4:00 PM
Congratulations, Gwen! And here I thought you'd never get married again. This is exciting news.
# posted by
Paul Worthington : 4:06 PM
Congrats Gwen! I am delighted for you both! There's totally nothing wrong with being excited about the magazines, despite previous/current beliefs about marriage, the state thereof, the eggs cooked within, whether in a literal or theoretical sense, har de har har. It is fun and you're having a fun time. No shame!
I totally feel you on the networking thing. I became an accountant BECAUSE I hate "showing off," and promoting myself, so I thought, "Hey, I will be an accountant! What profession could be MORE sitting at my desk being left alone and advancing according to an already-set schedule involving convenient letters behind my name and years of studying the tax code with adorable librarian glasses on?"
Sadly that is not the case here either. Maybe those people were lying and were just good at networking, too. Stupid those people. Let us chide them strongly.
# posted by
Ali : 4:49 PM
Felicidades! That's awesome!!!
I used to live in Houston, and people hung out in their garages all the time. Nobody does it here (Dallas). My good friend from Houston would say it's 'cuz we're all snotty up here.
# posted by
MyWeeWorld : 5:04 PM
Congratulations!
# posted by
lynnie : 5:13 PM
Congrats on the engagement! That is so great!!!
# posted by
That Chick Over There : 5:22 PM
Congratulations!
Good Luck and much Marital Bliss to both you and Tad!
Do we get to watch the wedding over a webcast? Could be a pay per view money maker..... ;)
Hope the kids are cool with everything too!
ATTN: Haters and Snarky people.... NA NA NA NA NA NAAAAAAaaaaaa
It isn't showing off or bragging if it's true!
Mike in Ohio
# posted by
еdë §téè£ : 6:32 PM
Aww, Gwen - congratulations to both of you!
# posted by
Drew : 7:08 PM
Congratulations, Gwen! I am so excited for you two.
# posted by
Jen : 8:25 PM
Rock on, Gwen!
Anne L.
# posted by
: 9:00 PM
That's friggin' awesome! Congrats!
I hope you get past that "I'm not good enough yet" crap. Darn it! You're good enough, you're smart enough, and dog gone it, people like you!
# posted by
La Brown Girl : 9:23 PM
Gwen! Congratulations! I was going to give you my "how to network" tips, but this is so much better! That is terrific news; Tad seems awesome from your references to him and like he's already your family. I'm so pleased to hear that you're happy.
# posted by
kate : 9:47 PM
I was told you say congratulations to the groom because he's lucky to have found such a wonderful woman and best wishes to the bride because...well, I can't remember but congratulations and best wishes to you BOTH! Happy New Year!
# posted by
Stinkydog : 10:08 PM
Amazing news, Gwen! I'm so happy for you!
xo Jeffytown
# posted by
: 11:46 PM
It looks like it's going to be your year. Show off already - you know you wanna!
# posted by
ellen : 6:20 AM
Fabulous news! Congratulations to you both. - Jenn
# posted by
: 2:44 PM
Woooooooooo! Congratulations to you and Tad.
# posted by
Jane G. : 4:42 PM
Congratulations dear Gwen! I am so very happy for you and Tad. I'll admit to being a little sniffly at the news and I can't even blame it on hormones. I'm just sentimental like that :-)
# posted by
pinky pinkerson : 5:44 PM
Congratulations, Gwen! Wishing you and Tad and your sons lots of happiness.
# posted by
Sandra : 9:30 PM
Right on, Gwen!
Best wishes to you and Tad.
- maggie
# posted by
: 10:17 AM
I don't think I've ever commented before, but yay! Congratulations!
btw, the only way I can make it through a networking event is by knowing that I only have to stay an hour or whatever... I'm usually glad I went, but hugely relieved when they're over!
# posted by
Babs : 10:59 AM
Congratulations! But remember, each marriage is different, you can make it anything you want it to be.
I hope 2008 is a great year for you.
# posted by
Fluffy : 2:07 PM
CONGRATS! That's OK, looking at bridal mags can be fun! Remember when you asked the question about what kind of wedding we would have if we got married or did it again? Now you're really going to get to plan it! Vietnamese food for sure!! I think that's what I said I'd have. LOL!
I'm sure your 2008 will be a great one with more published books and all the haters will go away.
# posted by
ShoeGirl : 3:57 PM
Congratulation Gwen! You deserve every happiness!
- a fan
# posted by
: 7:53 PM
I've read your blog for the past million years without commenting (I think) but anyways, HOORAY! HURRAH! Congratulations, I am sincerely happy for you.
# posted by
Belle Plain : 8:03 PM
Congratulations! I'm so excited for you! And I think the stars are right, but they are just repeating what everyone already knows: you are awesome.
# posted by
Weetabix : 11:19 PM
Big ups to you both!
# posted by
CarlyM : 9:08 PM
Good heavens you've come a long way, lady. I'm so happy for you! Lovely children, writing that gets noticed and now you're getting married to the man you deserve.
Show off, Gwen...show OFF!
# posted by
me : 2:10 PM
Congratulations Gwen! All the best to you and Tad and your boys.
# posted by
lumenatrix : 2:12 PM
Congrats! Have fun planning a fabulous wedding.
# posted by
Rebecca : 4:20 PM
Well it's about damn time he made an honest woman of you. ;-D
That's wonderful news, ya big show off! Wishing you many many years of marital bliss!!!
# posted by
: 8:01 AM
Thanks, you guys. I'm overwhelmed by y'all's awesomeness and support, here. Can't respond to each comment, but I'll respond to a few.
AmyD: Like that? I learned it from Louisa May Alcott!
Jackie: Thank you. Sometimes I want to follow you around, watching what you do and taking notes.
-m-: Thanks for that perspective. I hadn't thought of that before. :)
Thanks to everyone who hates networking, for letting me know I'm not alone.
Paul Worthington: I thought that, too. :)
Dude Steel: Web cast wedding. Heh. It'd probably be really boring, unfortunately. Until people started drinking. And even then...
Brown Girl: Ha. I loved Stuart Smalley, and I used to say that to myself all the time.
More on the engagement/wedding in a bit.
# posted by
Gwen : 8:51 AM
Congratulations Gwen! That's such great news!
# posted by
Alice : 7:47 AM
Congratulations! From everything you've written, Tad sounds like a real keeper. You're both very lucky.
# posted by
Katherine : 10:52 AM
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