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Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Questions on my Mind Lately1. Why would a teacher tolerate bullying in his classroom?
2. If a divorced mother is "bat-shit insane," how does that justify a divorced father verbally abusing his own child?
3. Is it just my imagination, or do some men see children only as extensions of their own mothers, and not as human beings in their own right?
You know what I mean? We all know about men who obviously love their current wives' children, but act like their former wives' children don't exist. We all know about men who refuse to pay child support because they see it as funding their ex-wives' leisure. We've seen news stories in which men kill not only their ex-lovers, but also those lovers' children. And we've all seen nature shows on PBS in which animals purposely kill the children of other animals.
So what's up with that? Are some men closer to the animal world, in all its savage nobility, than the rest of us? Or are these just the same old human men we've seen forever, who were trained by other men to believe that women and children are less than human?
4. If I'm such a good person, why am I not teaching? So many messed-up human beings are teaching by default. I claim to actually care about children, so why don't I put my money where my mouth is?
5. If I go to my suburb's Chick-Fil-A on a Friday night, and I see blond jocks and cheerleaders make fun of the high-school students working the counter, what should I do? Should I say really loudly to my boyfriend, "What kind of losers spend their Friday nights making fun of people who have jobs?" Or does that only exacerbate the situation--make me the same kind of bully I despise?
Labels: pop culture, psychobabble, venting
6:24 AM #Comments:
1. maybe the teacher was a victim of bullies when he was younger and the whole situation still intimidates him emotionally. or he was a bully himself and doesn't know how to handle it as an adult. or maybe he's a fool.2. most men are fools.
3. it's not your imagination. most men are fools.
4. as a future teacher myself, i'd say it's never too late to become a teacher, and if it's in you you'll never lose the knack for it. there's nothin but time...unless all the bad teachers destroy the country first. so maybe you better hurry.
5. most men, and all teenagers, are fools. but usually the teenagers grow out of it.
or ya know, that's my opinion.
# posted by
Blake : 10:47 AM
Good questions!
I don't know the answers to any of them unfortunately.
There is a group of morons on my street who have made it their life's work to torment my 9 year old son. Because apparently you are very gangster for harrassing a 3rd grader. I want to go out and kill them, but he handles himself quite nicely by just telling them to go to hell.
Yes, I'm a horrible mother probably, but I don't care.
I told him a long time ago that those people don't matter and that in 10 years they won't matter and he won't even remember their names. It seems like he gets it. I hope he gets it.
# posted by
That Chick Over There : 12:49 PM
1. I think a lot of people don't know how to handle a bully, now that we're teaching that you can't respond with violence. This includes teachers. (A whole 'nother rant about how evil it is to teach people to depend on authority to rescue them is bubbling here but I'll try to keep it to a minimum.)
There's a really good book on the subject of verbal bullying; it's called The Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense, and it's by Suzette Hayden Elgin. I'm reading it right now, and then I'm sending it to my 17-year-old son.
2. This was rhetorical, right? We all know they're not connected except in the mind of an extreme MRA activist. Or an immature person.
3. I dunno; is it pro-survival, maybe? Some people speculate that these decisions are made to avoid suffering the pain and grief that recur every time you return your kids to the custodial parent. Or to forget a past mistake. (Note each of these explanations requires the inability to see the children as human beings, and both are therefore somewhat sociopathic.)
4. There's more to teaching than caring about children, and lots of ways to demonstrate that care besides teaching.
5. Don't you wonder whether the jocks will just take it out on them later?
# posted by
Kai Jones : 3:39 PM
Hi Gwen! I love your writing. I've been reading for years, but this is my first comment.
1) I remember teachers not only putting up with bullying, but bullying children themselves. I was a very skinny child, and I remember teachers making inappropriate comments about my weight.
3) Awesome point! I never thought about it that way, but it makes sense.
4) Maybe you're meant to help the world in other ways, like writing. There is more than one path to helping people!
5) I really really wish it was okay to say that to teenagers, and maybe it is. If they were only adults I'd say you are in the clear...
# posted by
: 5:04 PM
Most men are not fools. Foolish men are fools. I'm a child of divorce who loves women and has no desire to have kids, but wouldn't mind having someone else's kids.
# posted by
Tom : 7:17 PM
Long time reader and second time poster:
1. I think some teachers and parents recognise that attacking the bully just makes it even worse for the bullied, once the authority figure is out of the way.
2. Is this a reference to the Baldssinger slap-down? Nothing either of them says justifies their behaviour. That child is going to become yet one more screwed up adult train-wreck.
3. Clearly many men are more closely in contact with their primitive core and were also brought up to believe that children are possessions (as are wives) to be disposed of as they see fit.
4. If you believe you have a gift in teaching others, then pursue it. I began teaching at the grand old age of 38 having resisted it throughout my younger adult years based on the pathetic remuneration.:(
5. Rather than attacking the bullies - who won't be cured by your comment (insightful though it may be) - I would make it (quietly) clear to those serving that I thought the jocks and cheerleaders were completely obnoxious.
In my opinion the bullied need the attention, not the bullies who are, in fact, cowards hiding their own insecurities behind bravado.
# posted by
: 8:32 PM
Howdy Gwen!
The jocks and cheerleaders are only pointing out the fact that "they" don't have to stoop to working for their money.
Mommy and Daddy will gladly fork over whatever their dear little hearts desire because they are so special.
Then when they finish with the drudgery of high school, someone will either hand them a do nothing job that is grossly overpaid or a free ride to college where they will join a frat and become even bigger asses than they already are.
Of course with the fine grooming from attending college they will certainly be handed an even more grossly overpaid do even less job because they are extra special now!
Without a doubt, their Fathers are rich white Republicans to boot.
They needed / deserved a good bitch slapping but you cannot risk doing that or we will be hearing about you on the national news......
"Blogger Goes Berserk in Local Eatery!" news at eleven
You keep writing, we'll keep reading and loving every moment of it.
# posted by
: 6:20 PM
Making fun of the cheerleaders and jocks wouldn't be bullying. It just won't make any difference. People like that are way too into themselves to be able to process the idea that they might be doing something wrong.
# posted by
: 1:28 AM
1. I used to work in a daycare where we watched over kids in grades 1-5. We were located on the same property as the school so we always had an opportunity to hear & see what teachers did & didn't do. I noticed that most of the time teachers didn't do anything about bullying because they were a. too busy talking to other teachers to notice.
b. if they did notice, they found it easier to ignore it because they either didn't know how to deal with it, or they just didn't want to deal with it.
c. if they were forced to deal with it, they wouldn't take it seriously or they wouldn't be consistent with the punishment or escalate the consequences,
as necessary.
2.& 3 It doesn't. My guess is he was frustrated with the lack of respect his child was paying him. When my parents divorced, my father went through this with my brother. He tried to maintain control over his household as if he were still living with us & when he saw that we no longer jumped when told us to, he had a very hard time accepting it. In my father's desperate attempt to maintain control over my brother, he would spout insults at him over the phone, which usually yeilded more rebellion instead of submission. I really don't think my father was cursing my brother because of my mother. I think it was just sheer frustration over not being able to have control anymore.
4.There's always community service.
5.I have a cousin who is a bully, but he doesn't discriminate the way most bullies do. For example, he doesn't pick out the easiest target & just go at him/her with his group of friends. As a matter of fact, his prey of choice are other bullies & he does his bullying solo. Not that this is a good thing, but his philosphy is "If you like to dish it out, you better be willing to take it". If he would have been in your situation, he would have directly asked the bullies "What kind of loser are you, that you spend your Friday nights picking on hardworking people?" This approach, although quite aggressive, has always resulted in the bully's embarrassed silence. I don't condone his behavior, but it certainly does put bullies in their place.
# posted by
: 8:53 AM
Since I know that Chick-Fil-A and have found the kids at the counter to be unfailingly polite, I vote in favor of the nasty remark about the cheerleaders and jocks.
Because, seriously? What ARE they doing hanging at Chick-Fil-A on a Fridy night, making fun of the employed???
# posted by
: 3:09 PM
I second that vote.
# posted by
: 8:19 AM
Good comments, y'all.
Yeah, I was referring to Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger.
Chick Fil-A: I didn't say anything. At the end, I had the impression that everyone in the whole place (except the jocks) realized how pathetic the jocks were.
Even though the jocks *will* have better jobs, via nepotism, I think we can all be glad that we aren't them. It's a fair trade-off, maybe.
# posted by
Gwen : 10:25 AM
3. I've always found the reverse to be true- that is, women tend to view children (especially *male* children) as nothing more than extensions/copies of their (the childrens') fathers.
# posted by
: 4:10 PM
2. ah, yes Baldwin. When I heard just a small sampling of his bile I wanted to hurt him- he does not deserve the title of "father" or even "man". Great, so you can make an 11 year old cry! Good for you half-wit.
3. As far as the kids-by-ex thing, some of that is down to way visitation usually works: spending time with ones kids will undoubtedly involve contending with said ex. Oh, Joy! This can combine to make fathers feel that their children aren't *their* children anymore.
# posted by
: 4:32 PM
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