Sneak preview of upcoming novel.
Friday, March 23, 2007
Tired, CrankyI wrote a long post for you guys earlier, then emailed it to myself for later revision, and then it disappeared. Dammit.
So, instead of posting what I wrote, I will give you guys some free advice. Ready? Here it is:
Never take advice from someone less successful than you.
Right? Am I right? You like that, huh?
When I want money advice, I go to a Republican. Why? Because Republicans love money, and they'll do anything to get and retain it. And they all have more money than me, and they all pay less on their taxes. So I ask them. "Teach me," I say. And, sure, some of their advice is unpalatable to me, and so I don't follow it. But it makes more sense to take their advice than to take that of poor, struggling liberals who work non-profit jobs. And, the same thing goes for the other way around. Why would I ask conservatives for sex advice, when they hate for people to have sex? For that, the struggling liberals are a better source of knowledge. Ha, ha, just kidding. No, I'm not.
When I want relationship advice, I ask people who are in successful relationships. You know? No, seriously... I'm saying, "Do you know any?" Just kidding. Ha, ha.
So finally: When I want career advice, I ask someone who's in my field, who's done more in that field than I have so far. Of course. Hello - why would I ask someone with less experience than me?
Meanwhile, contrary to the logic of everything I've just said, don't you find that people who are less successfull than you are always the ones trying to give you advice?
Why do they do that? I don't know. I can only guess. Maybe they're in denial about how unsuccessful they are. Maybe they're just trying to drag you down. Maybe they want you to learn from their mistakes, now that it's too late for them to do that for themselves.
Either way: When less successful people try to give you advice, don't take it. Just ignore it. You can smile and say, "Okay, thanks," but then leave it at that, you know? And don't feel bad about ignoring their advice, either.
Screw them. Life is too short, and you have a long way to go.
Labels: psychobabble, writing
8:31 PM #Comments:
I have one "friend" who weighs over 300lbs who always wants to give me weight loss advice.Shockingly, I do not want her advice on this topic.
# posted by
That Chick Over There : 7:52 PM
I usually try to talk about my job (besides ranting) not necessarily to people who are more or less "successful" but whether they are in my field. Because I need them to understand exactly what I'm talking about it. Otherwise they will totally misjudge the situation.
# posted by
MissCathee : 11:25 PM
I don't agree with you entirely. Here's why: Being successful is so much more than knowing what to do and doing it. It's also the ability to do it.
In the world at large, I am fairly successful. However, I have a lot of friends who are more successful than I am. Lots of reasons for this--some motivation, some may be ability, yes, some may be because I didn't know how to be successful, my personality, etc. However, I'm highly observant, reflective. I notice patterns and am very analytical about what helps in particular situations. Even my super successful friends have listened to me about certain issues. (Not exactly--how to be more successful. But how to understand certain political or interpersonal crises.)
A non-successful person might know a huge amount on certain questions. A fat person can know a lot about how to lose weight. I could see a divorced person giving great relationship advice. Failure can teach a lot.
I should say I'm in an incredibly happy relationship and honestly don't have a clue why it works so well. I couldn't give good relationship advice, I'll bet.
# posted by
ozma : 1:02 AM
I am split between being amused and annoyed when my girlfriends who have horrible taste in men and a string of failed relationships try to give me relationship advice. I don't want advice from someone who dates losers or is perpetually single.
# posted by
Sparkles F : 2:38 AM
That's why I keep my big trap shut when all my friends with kids start talking about... their kids. I don't have any, so even if I think what they're saying sounds crazy, I don't tell them it sounds crazy, nor do I offer up any sage advice of my own. Because I don't have kids, so how on earth could I presume to know what sounds insane or not?
Dogs, however....
# posted by
jam : 7:47 AM
That Chick: Weight loss advice is the best, isn't it? :) Especially when people have different body types, different metabolisms...
Miss Cathee: I get you.
Ozma: I get what you're saying. I think my all-encompassing (yet catchy!) sentence makes it sound like I believe success is an absolute - like people are either successful or not. Or they're doing better than you, or not. But I don't mean it that way. Your friends may make more money than you, but you that you're more analytical and successful at analyzing certain situations and discovering what works. And your friends know that about you, so they solicit your advice. If you were someone who made crappy, unperceptive decisions on a regular basis, they'd be silly to ask, right?
(And, for the record, I don't think divorce is the opposite of success in relationships. :) )
Sparkles: Exactamente. This is what I'm talking about, and I share your amusement/annoyance in these cases.
Jam: You're wise. But, then again, every human being was a child once, too, so it's not like you have *zero* insight...
Since several people have emailed and asked, I'll tell y'all that the motivation for this entry came from my cousin. She's a painter who's just started to acheive some success. So, of course, she wonders which path to take next. And, of COURSE, she has plenty of naysayers who love to give her advice, mostly in the negative form. (Don't do that! No, that's a bad idea!) These people have either no artistic experience, or else no success with their art. And yet she's tempted to let them sway her, and to give up on her newest ideas.
So I told her "Don't take advice from anyone less successful than you." And I don't think it's even worth examining why a bunch of bitter, wannabe painters are advising her not to paint what she wants, or not to plan certain events, or not to do interviews. It's just vicarious sour grapes. It's just, as we say, crabs in a bucket trying to pull each other down.
# posted by
Gwen : 11:24 AM
I'm single more often than not because I'm happier by myself than with the wrong person. If a good match comes along, I'm open to that. I have friends who are always in bad relationships and when asked, I'll offer some gentle advice. I'm with Ozma: being observant and having common sense goes a long way toward being good at advice. Just because one person's situation might be different doesn't mean they can't see what's going on.
What amuses me are the married people love to give me (unsolicited) advice about how to find men, usually right before complaining about their husbands who don't listen or help with the kids.
# posted by
Kaijsa : 11:31 PM
"I don't think divorce is the opposite of success in relationships."
You are right! I guess I was thinking: Someone who just got divorced might be full of marital wisdom for someone who is trying to avoid divorce. They might know a hell of a lot more about how to avoid divorce than someone who's never been divorced.
# posted by
ozma : 3:13 AM
Or they might even see that the marriage isn't worth saving, and that it's time for divorce. I do believe that's the case, sometimes. God knows I'm happier since my divorce, and I see other marriages that probably need to end.
Kaijsa: You're successful because you're happy. You have succeeded in discovering the right things to do for yourself.
I don't know... That's a big theme with me lately: Miserable people's effects on the world, and happy people's effects on the world. Miserable people have far too much effect, I think.
# posted by
Gwen : 7:29 AM
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