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Monday, February 26, 2007
Oh my god.

Again, I feel like I can't say anything because this site, being public, is so censorable. What if someone reads it and decides not to give me a job? Oh, no...

I just got slightly sad news but it didn't make me feel sad. I feel okay. So now I'm trying to figure out if I really am okay (that is, growing a thicker skin), or if I'm just processing the news so I can get sad later.

I think it's that it's very close to spring here, and that's the only thing that matters lately.

Now, suddenly, I want to win the lottery. I want to lose all responsibilities, give up, lie on my back in a stream and just float. With money. Without worries. With nice dinners for my children.

Actually... I feel very virtuous this week because I finally finished my taxes last week. It feels good to finish big res-pon-si-ble things like that and then never, ever worry about them again. until next year.

Specs and Blends

I have questions.

1. Don't you think that people who work in liquor stores would do well to give you good recommendations, as opposed to pushing the wines that they get a few bonus dollars to push? Because, if, say, the blonde chick at Specs doesn't suggest something really good, how will I ever trust her again? And then, why would I shop in her store anymore?

2. Why do they always suggest/push the blended wines? Seriously, why? I have never had a blended wine I liked. Why do people even make or sell them?

3. Am I cheap? Am I a cheap wine floozy? Maybe I only like low quality stuff. Even though I think my pallette (oops, I'm spelling that wrong) continues to mature. I think I'm half-way there, as far as decency in wine taste goes. But how do you know? Also, if you really like cheap wine, is that so wrong? Is it something to be ashamed of as you go up the ladder of life? I hope not. I used to like Little Debbie cakes, and now I would never eat them, but I don't hate the person that I used to be. No, I love her. I'm glad to have known her.

4. Do you like gin?

Ha, ha

When do you have enough, and when do you give up? Those are two completely separate things. But, seriously, I want to know. When do you have enough money or success? Will you never be happy if you can't seem to stop? Will you get rich and then still not be satisfied? Or do the periodic vacations make it worth it?

Contrariwise, when do you give up? When do you (other people) admit you just don't give a shit anymore? Can you ever truly be happy, without demons chasing you every night, telling you that you're a freaking loser if you don't try, try again, if you don't do everything in your power to put your children far out of reach of poverty's jaws? How? Especially if you don't have upper-middle-class parents to fall back/leech on, I mean? How is it possible? Is it, or not?

I will erase this in the morning.

Or else I just won't. Seriously, what does it matter? If you're reading this and it's upsetting you, there's nothing I can ever write that will help you, or convince you of my goodness. So desert me. I don't care. I'm happy alone.

I'm going to plant a garden in March sometimes. If that doesn't balance my universe, nothing will.

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7:24 PM #

Comments:

 (I like to post comments to my own posts, because I like myself.)

I'm drinking a merlot from Kunde Estates. I like it, partly because on the back of the bottle, they only put a picture of the family. The Kunde family, I guess. Even though none of them look like the kind of people I'm hang out with, they look happy. Like a big, happy, grape-growing family.


# posted by Blogger Gwen : 7:43 PM  

 Well, I like you too, so...I'll join you? Wine is good. Even stuffy oenophiles say that if you like it, drink it. If you'll drink it, its good enough to cook with.

Plant stuff, its good for all concerned, you, the earth.

Heh, not give me a job because of what I wrote while unemployed? heee They'd gag at the silliness and cranky-pants stuff I spill out. And then not give me a job because I don't do good written snark. Unlike you, who writes really good snark, and other stuff.

Hm, ok, I think I'm done comiserating. If you want to read about my latest bit of life idiocy, I'm at Dland.


# posted by Blogger Nilliem : 8:23 PM  

 I like cheap, tasty wine, too. If you like a wine then it is a good wine. People forget that a good wine should be drinkable. Anyone who would point out to you that your taste in wine is bad is an asshole anyway. Would you really want an asshole's opinion?
Gin tastes like Christmas tree.


# posted by Blogger sparkles_fantastico : 1:03 AM  

 Sparkles is right. Gin tastes like Christmas tree.

It's a little different from wine in that you really shouldn't even try to drink the cheap stuff. It'll taste bad and you'll just end up with a headache. Try some Bombay with tonic and couple of lime wedges. Mmmmn. Crisp and refreshing.

I wish it wasn't 9 a.m. in my world, because all this commenting about gin is making me thirsty.


# posted by Blogger Jennifer : 8:17 AM  

 Hey Girl,

Hubby and I have been known to buy a bottle of wine based merely on the label..I kid you not. We like the $6.88 Louis Jadot Beaujolais at Slammin Sammy's when we can get it, tho it's only a few $$ more at Specs ( known in ly house as aauto pilot from 2 A 6 blocks down on the right).


Drink whatever the hell you want to .Naysayers...screw them.

Sorry some one is being harsh to you ..again your blog..write at will.

Hugs from 2A

Aunty Pol..aka Boschka

( I know..the new blogger thing has me all screwed up with names..sheesh)


# posted by Blogger Aunty Pol : 11:28 AM  

 Sorry for the typo's in the reply.

Aunty Pol aka Boschka


# posted by Blogger Aunty Pol : 11:29 AM  

 There's nothing wrong with cheap wines. Who's to say that really expensive wines taste good? They're all made from grapes, aren't they? In the past people would frown upon diners who mix their wine and drink reds with fish or whites with a steak. Now everyone just tells you to drink what you like. I've always stood by that rule.

Gin tastes like freshly mowed grass smells. I love gin. I'd rather drink a gin martini than one made from vodka. It's just the huge popularity of vodka that makes other spirits seem not so popular, not because they don't taste good, but because it's not always in your face. I say we bring back gin with a vengeance and replace vodka with the "other white alcohol."


# posted by Blogger Datty : 2:10 PM  

 I am firmly convinced of your goodness, no matter what.

(smile)

I'm not a big wine-drinker, but the two-buck chuck at the freshly opened Trader Joes is selling like hotcakes, so the snobs around here can't be all THAT snobby. Or maybe they're just undercover bargain-wine drinkers.


# posted by Blogger pinky pinkerson : 3:49 PM  

 I don't think there's anything wrong with cheap wine, unless it taste's bad. If you like it, then it's not cheap, it's just a good deal. I can't drink gin anymore. It was all I drank in my early twenties.

I think you have enough money and success when you don't have to struggle anymore, but I have a loose definition of struggle. If I didn't have any debt, or worry about paying daycare costs, or cringe when I get the gas bill, then I would have enough.

Do you worry more, lately, about the public nature of the site than you used to? Because it comes up more now, but I don't see anything controversial or potentially offensive in what you write. It doesn't seem like you put all of yourself out there. I can relate to that, because I worry about writing something that will be misinterpreted or will come back to haunt me. But your writing is as compelling as your...I don't know, personality?... so you could write about the grocery store and it would be fine.


# posted by Blogger kate : 4:51 PM  

 This post has been removed by the author.


# posted by Blogger Gwen : 7:13 PM  

 Nilliem: Thanks. :) Okay, so does that make you nilliem.diaryland.com? (It only took me 22 hours to figure that out!)

Sparkles F: Thank you, and yes! Christmassy, I guess owing to the juniper berries or whatever it is that they make it with.

Jennifer: Yeah, everyone says Bombay. The other day, at Specs, I tried gin (not Bombay, though) for the first time ever, and it was pretty awesome. Bombay is next on my list. I'm trying to decide on the best gin throwback cocktail to order. Maybe a gimlet.

Aunt Boschka: Yeah - dude - I am *totally* planning to write an entry on how many freaking Specs are out in the suburbs, now that I understand why. It's like, the refuge for stressed-out commuters and middle-class toilers. The harshness: No biggie. Got another proposal rejected, but I'm not really worried. I shall overcome. Eventually. Thank you for continuing to read and care. Oh, and sorry y'all have to change sign-in names! I know that sucks...

Datty: You made me laugh, and nod my head at the mown grass. It's almost like Fume Blanc in that way.

Pinky: thank you :) Re: $2 Chuck: I know, that shit is so trendy now, right? I haven't tried it yet. I've been meaning to. But I have the feeling I won't like it, if it really is so good. Everything people call "good" tastes like gasoline and mayonnaise to me. Or turpentine.

Kate: Thank you. And, because I doubt the people in question ever bother to read the comments, I will tell y'all...

I found out, a few months back, that I got dropped from consideration for a project at my job. (A project for which I am probably the most qualified person in our building.) Know why? Because someone read this web site, and decided that I wasn't fit to represent the company by being allowed to work on the project.

Never mind that: 1)I have never, EVER mentioned the name of my workplace or any past workplace on this site, and 2) my name would not have ever appeared on the project, anyway.

So... it bothers me. Because, obviously, someone was simply offended by non-work-related things I said, or by the fact that I say things online at all.


# posted by Blogger Gwen : 7:56 PM  

 boy do I feel stupid!! I'm so used to having my email in a comment, that I never never.....oy.

Yes, that would be me!! Happy Humpday, PA jerks notwithstanding!


# posted by Blogger Nilliem : 12:12 PM  

 I think satisfaction as an endpoint is a myth, and I mean that in a good way. I always want more because that's how my life gets bigger and how I grow--it's part of being human. The trick is appreciating what you have while you're redefining what you want and moving towards it.


# posted by Blogger Kimberly : 2:16 PM  

 I gave up a long time ago, and it feels good. I moved to Peru, and lived in REAL poverty (2 rooms, brick wall, dirt floor, no hot water in the house, rice everyday poverty) and realized that I really don't need much to survive. If i can get the clothes clean, feed the kids and get them to school, and get on the internet, I'm set. There were so many things that I used to think I needed, but I've learned they were really just things I wanted. The computer/internet is my only luxury, and I wouldn't give it up because I need people like you.


# posted by Blogger Spudbutt : 8:39 AM  

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