Guess what. I'm gonna be on Road Trip Nation! Thanks to the Unknown Reader who recommended my blog to her friend Camilla. Unknown Reader, I enjoyed meeting your friend!
Sneak preview of upcoming novel.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Stupid PeopleTwice this morning, people almost hit my car with their cars. It made me mad, but mostly it made me scared. There is no guarantee, no matter how carefully you drive, that you can drive through your city without a careless asshole wrecking into your car.
I was determined not to let that fear and anger set the tone for my day, though.
But then, when I tried to enter the parking garage, two stupid women were standing in the entrance. One was giving the other directions. "Why not," I thought, "direct her not to stand in the driveway, right in front of the scanner that scans the parking pass of every single person who needs to park in this garage?" What kind of people, I wondered, are that inconsiderate/selfish/oblivious?
But, again - I don't have to let all the stupid, inconsiderate, dangerous people in Houston affect my day, do I?
No. I'm happy as effing hell. I'm going to have a great effing day.
The shopping hype continues.
This morning on the radio they said that, over Black Friday weekend, men outshopped women by an average of $100 each. "Hurry up, ladies! Catch up!"
How clever, to make the shopping into a battle of the sexes. How very retro.
So I did a U-turn and headed to the nearest mall. I'd be damned if some man was going to out-shop me. Don't worry, NASDAQ! I'll save you!
No, just kidding. The mall wasn't open yet.
Show the Wal-Mart love.
Meanwhile, I predict that Wal-Mart is going to become the next K-Mart. Their sales did not climb over Black Friday weekend - they fell, while everyone else's climbed. For the second year in a row, I believe.
You know why? Because people don't want Christmas gifts from Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart's okay for every day things, like socks and dish scrubbers, but giving someone a gift from Wal-Mart says, "I don't really care about you, and therefore I bought you the cheapest thing possible, and I don't care if you know about it, either, as evidenced by the tag that says FADED GLORY."
In fact, there are only five gifts in the world that indicate apathy more effectively than a gift from Wal-Mart. Here they are, in order from best to worst:
1. A boxed set of Jovan White Musk toiletries from the drugstore, on which the fluourescent orange $5 price tag has been scribbled over with a black Sharpie.
2. A nearly see-through white t-shirt on which the name of someone else's city has been screenprinted off center.
3. Christmas socks and Christmas earrings, purchased from the Target clearance rack the day after Christmas.
4. A pair of lottery scratch tickets on which every square has a thin scratch so as to assure beforehand that it wasn't a winning ticket.
5. A small stuffed animal of unidentifiable species and a rosebud made of rolled-up nylon panties from the convenience store a block from your house.
What those gifts can also say is, "Neither I nor my employers managed to benefit from Iraq war money in any way."
Or, best-case scenario: "I'm old and I don't get out of the house unless someone else drives me. Be glad I bought you anything at all, you ungrateful little brat of a grandchild whose name I can't remember."
So, anyway, back to my theory. My theory is that, after a good, long eight-year period of Republican war, it's time to shun Wal-Mart. Tell your kids to taunt each other by saying, "Your mom shops at Wal-Mart!"
It's time, you guys. The void left by K-Mart has been open too long.
Labels: venting
8:33 AM #Comments:
Don't forget "a box of chocolates from the grocery store" and "a coffee cup from your own kitchen cabinet with a baggie of Hershey's Kisses in it and a ribbon tied around the handle."# posted by
tina : 10:39 AM
Hi Gwen, I love you and I've been reading you for years now. I also hate WalMart, and I also work in insurance. More importantly, I love your writings and ordered your book, but my order was cancelled because it was on back-order and I didn't respond quickly enough. I plan to reorder with a quickness. Happy Holidays and all that.
# posted by
kittymeowington : 11:38 PM
I hate WalMart. Everytime I go something bad happens and shopping there on an average day is like going to the mall on Black Friday or that tax-free day. Everything is always unorganized, the employees act annoyed when you ask for help, & God forbid you need to set foot in one of their bathrooms. (If Hell had bathrooms, I imagine that's what they would look like.)
Once someone flicked off my mom because she managed to beat them to a parking spot. Another time, (this was after September 11) a group of pre-teen Muslim girls were leaving & one of those anti- theft devices went off & security made a huge scene like they were terrorists or something and "escorted" them to a room in the back. Walmart sucks. Need I say more?
# posted by
cachita : 1:41 PM
My husband and I detest Wal-Mart and have successfully managed to avoid setting foot in one for over 5 years. I second everything Cachita said- she is spot on. The crap that is the Wal-Mart experience begins in the parking lot and doesn't end until you are home. Actually it never ends because of how horribly they treat their employees and how sucky their benefits are. I will not support such a POS company. I'm so happy to see you start this trend and I will do all I can to perpetuate it!
# posted by
Nancy : 7:24 AM
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