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Friday, August 11, 2006
Two Uncomfortable Dreams of SeductionI.
I was in a room at a house party with a man I used to date. He was trying to seduce me. It made me uncomfortable. He knew I had a boyfriend to whom I was faithful, but didn't care. I had the impression that he would easily become angry if I didn't have sex with him. I was a little afraid. I don't know how I got out of it, but I did.
Later, I was in the room with a very pretty girl I used to know. She was trying to seduce me. We kissed. I felt uncomfortable. I knew her to be a person who needed constant male attention to bolster her horribly low self esteem. I wondered what her real motive was in trying to seduce me. Was she treating me like a man? Was she trying to impress a man? I didn't think that she actually liked me for myself. Still, at the same time, it occurred to me that I had never seen her breasts before, even though many other people had, and I'd seen many other people's. I decided to see her breasts before I ended the seduction.
II.
I was at a restaurant with my friends, having a semi-good time. There was chaos that somehow ended up with me being at a house with an older man from my work. It seemed, afterwards, that he had manipulated the situation to make that happen. We were in a darkened room in my dad's house, actually. My boss was in the adjoing, doorless room, working at a desk. The older man from my work had rented some "hip" indie film that he'd thought I'd like to see. He put it on the VCR and he and I lay on a mattress on the floor, as that was the only seating in the room. The older man made friendly conversation, then eventually told me something like, "I think you're a really nice young lady. Let's go to my place and have sex tonight."
I didn't know what to say. I wanted to refuse but, for some reason, I felt was too embarrassed to do so while my boss could overhear us. As if the older man's behavior was excusable, but I couldn't say or do anything sexual in my boss's presence, even if it was refusing sex. I was still trying to think of a response when a twenty-something man with red hair (no one I know, but supposedly an acquaintance in the dream) showed up and plopped down beside me on the other side of the mattress. He made no advances, but I smiled at him in relief and the older man got up and left in a huff.
Mere seconds later, I had a typewritten note from the older man in my hand. It said something like, "My apartment is clean and spotless and full of expensive things. Let me know if you change your mind and want to come to my apartment tonight instead of staying with that young guy with no money." The paper was stained like recipe books get stained, with spots of grease and flour.
I was amused by the note and relieved that I'd gotten out of the uncomfortable situation. But still wary, knowing that wouldn't be the end of it.
Labels: dreams
9:41 AM #Comments:
Aw, man – these are some anxiety dreams. Today, at work, a co-worker forward me a racist rant from someone in the company (whom I don’t know). We toyed around with the idea of writing back to say something like, “you know, I’m pretty sure HR has a policy against forwarding offensive/racist emails” but we were afraid that would hurt this woman’s feelings.Really.
I’m so sick of not calling people on their nonsense from a misplaced sense of how to be polite in this world.
# posted by
queen of the harpies : 3:26 PM
Was it, by any chance, the one describing all the ways that Muslims aren't suited to live in America? No... duh, because you're in Canada.
But I got that one last week, and responded (reply all) with counterpart examples of how Christians aren't suited to live in America, either. One person replied and corrected my perception of the Bible, saying that God does allow for the killing of evil people. (I.e., Muslims.) Another replied and said, "Don't write to me anymore."
That's the second time I've done that. The first time was for a super sexist email "joke" in which someone put an animated gif of a guy punching a woman in the mouth. I hit Reply All and asked, "Why is this funny? Is it the pain she feels or the humiliation that makes you laugh?" Two or three people replied and asked me not to email them again.
In neither case did the original sender reply.
It amuses/annoys me that people won't comment on the racism or sexism, but they'll whine at me for criticizing it. Most people in my town are stupid, frightened sheep. I guess the rest of the world might be the same way.
My friend Letty is awesome because she always calls people out on their effed-up email forwards. Usually I don't, though, because they're from mindless people who forward anything they get.
# posted by
Gwen : 10:35 PM
Maybe it means you like breasts but don't trust women because they go bat shit on you. And also, try to seduce you for the attention of, uh, other people. ("The attention of men" seems too directly related to the events of your dream.)
The second one had me making a sound like "uhhhhh" but more strained and uncomfortable.
It's possible you feel that older men are openly sexually manipulative (re: a mattress on the floor) and because they garner the most professional respect they may be socially entitled to it. It being the manipulation, not the sex-in'.
And you recognize this behavior as expected, and you realize it's expected that you like clean, expensive things, so it's familiar - like a used recipe book?
I think the redhead is a side of you, some smiling, giggling part of you that makes people making inappropriate advances uncomfortable and makes them leave. Your passive response that just by existing wards off those kinds of situations.
As for the very first it's too literal to be any fun, men are stubborn and psycho with you sometimes and you remember it with some mixed emotions. See, not as fun right?
# posted by
olive & rose : 1:45 PM
I love your Jungian analysis of the redhead, and mostly heartily concur with everything else, as well.
Every single day I mentally compose a blog entry about how much I would like to quit my day job. Then, I think the better of it and write about something else, instead.
# posted by
Gwen : 9:02 PM
Oh, PS... The girl one is slightly me worrying that I might be exploiting someone, even though she's probably also exploiting me.
The recipe book thing made me think of when I was a housewife. Like the situation was reminiscent of my old, musty, dusty, almost-forgotten marriage. Because I don't really cook anymore.
# posted by
Gwen : 9:27 PM
Maybe the second dream isn't about sex at all. Maybe it's really about the conflict between work and art -- the red-haired man is your artistic side, and the older man is the day job you're forced to keep (hence the paralyzing effect of your boss). It shows how you wish you could just tell work to buzz off and write all day. The snip from him about material success would fit in, too!
It makes me pretty glad, though, that my "seduction" dream last night was me and Christopher Meloni hanging out in a park. We held hands and shared a lemon Italian ice. I told him we couldn't kiss because he was married, and he said it was okay, as long as I would pick out shapes in the clouds with him. I asked him why I liked Detective Stabler so much, even though he's really pretty violent and mean, and he said it was because he only yelled at bad guys.
It worries me a little, though, that my dreams about attraction are so childlike.
# posted by
Jeffytown, USA : 11:14 PM
The work dream... yes. It all goes together. I often joke that the work I do is actually prostitution, but it really kind of is. Because part of getting along in my work force, for women, is being "nice" to the men in a very sad, housewife-like sort of way. I think that's the hardest part of it, for me personally. But yes to everything you said, Jeffytown. I'm in a prostitution-like situation that I can't yet leave, because of money.
Every day I do think of all the art I could get done if I didn't have to work 8 hours per day at a not-art-related day job. Sigh...
# posted by
Gwen : 12:49 PM
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