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Friday, April 07, 2006
Star Struck DumbLet's say you're exiting a cafe with your friend at the end of your lunch hour, crossing a parking lot to get to your vehicle and head back to work. Let's say, then, that you turn and see one of your town's local news reporters sitting on the patio of the cafe you just left. It may take you a second to process that you are looking at the same face you see on TV each day, and then a second longer for that person's name to appear in your mind. Once that happens, what would be the most appropriate course of action for you to take?
A. None. It's a local news guy. Who cares?
B. Quietly point out the local celebrity to your friend.
C. Politely approach the news reporter and tell him, very briefly and respectfully, that you enjoy his work.
D. Point at the news reporter with your full arm, as if he is a flying saucer or an approaching tornado, and yell across the parking lot, in your most grating tone of voice, "THERE'S REGGIE AQUI!!!"
I did Letter D. I have no defense. Normally I'm cucumber-cool when I meet celebrities or politicians or the Queen of England. (Okay, I only saw her for a few moments, while I was a clerk at the Texas State Capitol in 1990. But still.)
Because celebrities are just normal people who happen to be on TV or the radio or in positions of great power, right? Nothing to freak out about. But, for some reason, seeing Reggie Aqui sent a jolt through me that could only be dispelled in embarrassingly squawky rudeness. I guess I could tell you that it's because he's very, very handsome. But that would be the lamest admission of all, so I won't make it.
Mr. Aqui reacted as graciously as could be expected. "Yes, here I am," he said with a polite celebrity smile.
"I watch you every morning," I called back, trying to save the moment. I wondered if I should say, "You're doing a really good job there on Channel..." I couldn't remember what channel he was on. And I don't even know if he does a good job, actually. I never listen to the words he says, because they send him out to the most depressing crime scenes. I only look at his face for a few moments, then change to The Style Network or Bravo or Anthony Bourdain. So I told Reggie I watched him every morning, and then I mumbled, "And it's awesome," and then I whispered, "because you're hot!" as we got into the car, leaving the man to his cell phone conversation, already in progress. And my friend laughed and said, "Who's that? He's very handsome."
Yes. Yes, he is. He's Reggie Aqui.
So, Anyhow
Nothing much else to say. All I've been doing is working, playing, loving, something, day or night, Jordache has the look that's ri-ight... The Jordache look... [music]... The Jordache loo-ook...
I know I'm getting old and a lot of y'all don't know that Jordache jeans commercial jingle. Maybe some of y'all don't even know what Jordache jeans are. And if you don't, that's good. You should keep it that way because, in your case, ignorance is bliss. Don't hate - congratulate.
Me and some friends are going to a poetry reading tonight. People like to say that they only go to those ironically, because they're uniformly horrible, but they aren't always. Once in a while there'll be someone really good. And, if not, it's good to hear the horrible stuff, too. It's bracing. Cleansing. It's like high colonics for your mind.
I'm thinking about removing the Comments doohickey from this blog because I don't want to see how many comments I get, and then be unable to refrain from wondering if I should be getting more comments. I don't want to type stuff while wondering, in the back of my mind, if that particular stuff make people comment in a certain way. Such as, "Gwen, that is so weird, what you just said. Why did you just say that? Are you crazy? Are you evil?"
Not that anyone's ever said that. But I refrain from typing the things that might make them say that, you understand. I don't care what people think about me, but I do care what they say about what they're thinking, there in the Comments. Apparently. So it seems.
I thought about removing the comment function from this particular entry, as soon as I'm done typing it. But then, people would email me and say, "I'm only emailing you because your comments are broken."
Don't say that. Instead, say, "I'm only emailing you because I must."
Say, "I'm only emailing you because love compels me. I don't love you, because I barely know you. But when I read what you've written, I feel love. Probably for myself. In fact, it's all me, this feeling. I see that now. I don't need you at all. Goodbye."
Say, "I'm only emailing you because the demons that possess me guide my hands."
Say, "I'm only emailing you because I'm here at work, and out of everything in the world that I could choose to do to distract me from that fact, with your entry today, you have merited me choosing your Inbox to be the recipient of my ennui."
Say, "I'm only emailing you. Okay, that's all. Goodbye."
I'm not going to remove the Comments link, but no one comment, okay? Don't look at me! I am beautiful, no matter what they say... Words can't bring me-e-e down! O-oh, no-o...
You knew that song, didn't you? At least, everyone who didn't know the Jordache song did.
That's all now. I love y'all. I love you, Reggie Aqui. Even though I don't know you. And I'm only not emailing you because I don't want to scare you with the demons in my soul. And I'm only not commenting because you don't have a blog. But if you did, your Comments numbers would be high, I'm sure. High as a flying saucer. Full of Jordache jeans. And love. Goodbye. 8:54 AM #
Comments:
I'm only commenting because it's keeping me from working on Macros.Gwen!
My boss and I were remembering of Jordache jeans just this morning. Weird....
That Aqui guy is very Yummy. And his narrative is interesting and appealing too.
Thanks to you, I've just developed a crush on someone I had never seen before, nor will ever see/read about again.
# posted by
LC : 1:05 PM
I'm only commenting because your star struck moment reminds me of an awful one I had, and I thought I would share in an effort to make you feel better about yours.
I once saw Mario Lopez at a Tori Amos concert. I basically pointed directly in his face and shouted, "OHMYGOD, IT'S AC SLATER!!" He just glared at me and shook his head as I wandered away, awestruck.
# posted by
Jen : 11:39 PM
Hi Gwen,
I too am old enough not only to remember Jordache jeans, but also the jingle and that Brooke Shelds did a horrible job advertising them.
My sister lived in the same appartment complex as a news reporter in Fresno, but he wasn't hansome. And she told me in a totally causual way "by the way so-and-so live in my appartment complex." I think she liked dropping his name.
I've been leaving a comment on your blog since before I had my own blog, for two years now. Please don't turn off the comments or I'll go through Gwen withdraw!
Janice~
# posted by
Janice : 2:25 AM
OK, Gwen, do you remember the SNL spoof with Gilda Radner and her "Jewess" jeans??
Signed,
I am REALLY old [sigh.]
# posted by
Nancy : 8:57 AM
This post has been removed by a blog administrator.
# posted by
Vicki : 2:53 PM
I am so glad you did not remove your comments section because I have a comment.
I live in a small town near LA that is known for its very low crime rate. We've had several scary break-ins in my complex. I straggled home from work about a month ago to find two guys by my mailbox, one with a gigantic camera. The free-handed guy asked me if I had seen the police composite. They ended up coming in my completely trashed out place to interview me. He was the crime reporter from the best TV news in LA. After the interview, I asked him for his autograph. He meekly laughed and gave me a business card that read, "Dear Vicki, May all your news be good news". I got my 10 seconds of fame on the LA news too.
BTW, I haven't had time to write in my blog (I use my spare time up reading yours). But if I did, do you really think I'd get lots of comments? Would you write lots of nice comments in it, huh, huh?
Vicki
# posted by
Vicki : 2:56 PM
That reminds me.....how come you never send out email notices of when you blog any more? or did I somehow get bumped off the email list and everyone else is still getting really awesome email notices that totally crack them up or have sentimental touches that spur them on, compelling them to click on the underlined link leading them to more of your crack up petty, judmental, and evil thoughts that are all oh so true???
oh and P.S.
pretend I didnt just comment.
# posted by
pixielyn : 11:27 AM
MexicaliG: That was an out-of-date photo of him, too. The Houston channel doesn't even have his bio on their site. Good luck finishing your macros.
Jen: That's awesome. And timely. He's been hanging around Houston a lot lately (his sister lives here and is married to a Texan football player) and people keep calling into radio shows and the like saying they saw AC Slater. I'm sure he hates it, but not *that* much because it probably gets him the womens.
Janice: Heh. Okay, I won't. Oh, my bf used to love to tell people that my hairdresser also cut local anchor Dominique Sachsa's hair.
# posted by
Gwen : 9:37 AM
Nancy: Yes, I do! And do you remember that movie called So Fine or whatever, about a guy who accidentally invented hot designer jeans featuring see-through panels on the butt cheeks?
Vicki: Wow, I loved his autograph line.
And... I can't say that I would write "lots of nice" comments in your blog, but I do often read most of the blogs of people who comment on mine, and I do comment, when the mood strikes. I hope it didn't sound like I was trying to guilt y'all into commenting more. On the contrary... it just makes me feel dumb that I worry about it and sometimes compare myself to other bloggers/writers.
Pixie: Thanks for asking that, because I was just thinking of doing one, but then I worry that readers find them boring! Plus I haven't had tons to say lately. But next one I do will be dedicated to you. You have inspired me.
# posted by
Gwen : 9:42 AM
I comment because I cannot stop myself. Someone stop me before I comment again. Save me from myself.
I remember the Jordache song. Those were the popular girls' jeans at my elementary school. I never owned a pair, too expensive. I did have an awesome pair from Mervyn's that had a little embroidered roller skate on the back pocket that actually laced up and tied, though.
Once I did temp work for Goodwill Industries National Headquarters in Maryland, the director of which is Fred Grandy, or "Gopher" from The Love Boat. Anyway, before my first day on the job, the temp agency specifically told me that if I saw Fred Grandy, I should not call him Gopher, and in my head I was like "Like I would really do that." Then, I worked there for a week, and one day I saw him on one of the upper floors, and well, I don't need to say anymore, do I?
At least you have the excuse that Reggie Aqui is hot.
# posted by
tacoferrel : 12:38 PM
I'm writting this comment because I (still) can.
Some of us do know you and even if love is not the appropriate word, we like you an awful lot.
# posted by
R.T. Lemur : 3:14 PM
I hear Reggie is gay. And when I say gay, I don't mean he's a joyful-morning-anchor-full-of-glee kinda gay.
# posted by
Datty : 10:49 PM
Tacoferrel: Ha! Awesome. I bet he thinks of you with bitterness to this day.
RT: Aw. Thanks, buddy!
Datty: That's fine with me, if Reggie's gay. Homosexuality won't keep him from being *smoking hot.*
Also, if you have a girlfriend who thinks Reggie's handsome, then you shouldn't be jealous. I'm sure your girlfriend wouldn't be jealous if you saw Kelly Hu at Cafe Express and got a little excited. Would she?
# posted by
Gwen : 8:50 AM
No, you're right. Kelly Hu is super sexy hot. I would expect my girlfriend to be a little jealous, even though having a chance with Ms Hu is pretty unlikely. At least you could run into Reggie randomly at Cafe Express.
# posted by
Datty : 3:41 PM
I'm flattered that you think that me running into Reggie at Cafe Express could lead to anything that my boyfriend would have to worry about.
I forgot to say that when I spoke to Reggie, he got up, walked over, handed me his card, and whispered, "Ai, mamacita," in my ear.
But I told him I had a boyfriend who I loved very much. So, no problem.
# posted by
Gwen : 4:33 PM
I googled Reggie Aqui and came up with this blog. Reggie Aqui is yummy yummy. What's even more fun is that I'm currently involved with someone who actually kind of reminds me of him. :-)
But someone tell me why is it that so many reporters/weathermen/news anchors are rumored to be gay?
Where exactly did the Reggie Aqui is gay rumor start anyway? Huh? HUH?
# posted by
Houstonia : 4:39 AM
I love Reggie Aqui too. I was mezmerized the first time I saw him on KHOU morning news. Immediately after deciding that he was a very pretty man, I got an uncanny gaydar kinda feeling about him. I haven't heard any rumors, or seen him with any men, but I would be willing to bet a least a week's salary that he is in fact gay. I'm rarely wrong about these things.
# posted by
summerrayne : 9:06 AM
Houstonia: Those rumors get started by jealous boyfriends, no doubt.
Summerrayne: I'll believe you. Sometimes my gaydar needs a tune-up.
# posted by
Gwen : 3:19 PM
Sorry, Reggie IS, in fact gay. I know Reggie personally and he is quite open about it.
That's ok, it's still fun to have a crush! :)
# posted by
: 8:18 AM
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