Gwen's blog

The Latest

I'll be reading Growing Up with Tamales for story time at Blue Willow Bookshop, in Houston, on Thursday morning, May 15. Tell everyone you know with kids in the Houston area. How do you find and support local indie book stores like Blue Willow? By going to Booksense.

On Saturday, May 17, I'll be in Dallas, reading and signing at the J. Erik Jonsson Central Library, for the 13th Dallas Children’s Book Fair & Literary Festival.

On June 22, here in Houston, I'm going to do a poetry workshop. It's free and open to the public, y'all, and they're having one every Sunday in June, taught by local poets I love and respect. So come on down.

Thursday, April 20, 2006
My Fantasy

My fantasy is to walk up to a group of men in suits and say, "Hey, you guys, you know who's hot? John Doe over at ABC Corp. I mean, he is smokin' hot. Seriously. Is he married? You think he'd be willing to cheat on his wife this weekend after the XYZ Conference? Heh, heh. Because I would lo-o-ove to spend some time with him, if you know what I mean. Alone time. You know - naked. Hey, so have any of you guys ever stood next to him at a urinal? What's he packing? Anybody know?"

And they'd laugh and say, "You're a pistol, Gwen. I'll ask around - see what I can find out."

Or wait... this one...

I'd go to some industry happy hour and run into Jim Smith from Cogswell. After a few drinks, I'd put my hand on his waist and ask him if he'd like to continue the party at my apartment. He'd say some shit like, "I'm flattered but I'd really like to keep our relationship professional," or whatever.

Then, two months later, I'd be having a meeting with all the important men at my company. We'd be making decisions on a really big contract. Someone would suggest, "What about giving it to Jim Smith at Cogswell? His bid looked really good."

And I'd say, "No. Not Jim Smith. He has a really bad attitude."

And, from the look on my face, all the men would know what I meant, and they'd just smile knowingly and award the contract to someone else.

No, no, no - wait! Here's the best one:

I'd be a big-time manager at a big company, right? And some little hottie - say, Bob Jones in Accounting - would be walking down the hall amongst ten or eleven of his coworkers. And I'd say, "Hey, Bob. Lookin' good. Boy, I wish I could see what your wife sees when you get out of the shower every night. Mm, mm!"

And it would be so awesome, because Bob would have to smile awkwardly and stumble away, because he's know that if he told me to go to hell, I'd so totally have his ass fired. Or, at least, make his life really hard from 9 to 5, you know?

And then Bob would go out for drinks with his coworkers. Some of them would treat him like crap because they'd be assuming he was sleeping his way up the ladder with me. Others would tell him, "What are you going to do?"

And he'd say, "I don't know. If I complain to HR, they won't do anything about it. I can't go to Gwen's supervisor, Mrs. Gotrocks - she's the owner of the company and no one's ever seen her! Plus, if I say anything at all, Gwen will either have me fired, or else make my life hell."

"Why don't you quit?" his friends would say.

"I can't afford to," he'd reply. "I've been looking for another job, but I can't find anything."

Then, every morning as Bob drove to work, he'd be depressed. All day at work, he'd be jumpy, worried that I'd show up at his cubicle. He might consider suing my company, but he'd be too scared to lose his benefits because, like, his wife would have cancer or some shit, right? So, whenever he saw me in the hall, he'd get a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, not knowing whether or not I was going to say something disgustingly inappropriate.

And I'd keep him guessing - that sexy little tease!

And it would be awesome.

Wouldn't it? I mean, I'm guessing it would be, but it's actually kind of hard for me to imagine.

If you're one of the people who lives those fantasies every day, write and tell me how it feels, okay?. I'm really interested to know what it's like to be you.

Labels: , ,

 

9:12 PM #

Comments:

 I've always had crappy jobs, but they've had zero tolerance sexual harrassment policies. It seems the better the job, the more sexist shit people have to put up with.


# posted by Blogger yournamehere : 10:03 PM  

 Hey Gwen,

Your not fantasizing about sexually hurrassing so some poor good looking guy at the office, are you?

Are you?

H-mm?

Janice~


# posted by Blogger Janice : 12:11 AM  

 dang, gwen - do they have any universities near where you live? universities that might pay you to do what you're doing now?

I swear I have worked with almost no men in the past ten years. sure, women have issues, but no one has been sexually harrassed in any of the many offices I've been in during my "career."


# posted by Blogger pinky pinkerson : 9:29 AM  

 OK that's it, I'm sending you a voodoo doll, Gwen. Seriously. And I think you know exactly where to stick the pins.

-TJ in Atlanta (but from New Orleans, and a really scary witch in a past life)


# posted by Blogger Tanya : 9:51 AM  

 Here is your Voodoo Doll:

http://www.virtual-design.com/demos/
voodoodoll/voodoo.asp?section=demo&subs
ection=voodoo

Use it wisely. Oh heck, eff that! Go wild!!


# posted by Blogger Tanya : 9:54 AM  

 Yournamehere: Sometimes it happens at crappy jobs, too. Or maybe that's what makes the jobs crappy...

Janice: No. I'm just wondering what it's like to be someone who gets away with sexually harrassing people all the time. Oh, and rich.

Pinky: We'll see... And, yeah, it is funny how women are socialized NOT to do that, isn't it?

Tanya: Thank you. That was oddly satisfying.

Oh, and - in case anyone's wondering - I'm not Bob in Accounting. I can't be, because I have a "bad attitude," so no one goes through the trouble of being "nice" to me (anymore).


# posted by Blogger Gwen : 10:15 AM  

 Wow - reading stuff like this makes me glad that I work with the software dorks. They're all relatively harmless.

I'm slightly shocked at my own naivete now; I really didn't think stuff like that happened so much anymore in our oh-so-politically-correct world.


# posted by Blogger Drew : 11:17 AM  

 God it sucks doesn't it? I have a "bad attitude". I am also not a "team player." And I never ever "go the extra mile." If I could support my family crocheting doilies in my basement I think I would do it. Also if I knew how to crochet. And if I had a basement.


# posted by Blogger Mellie : 3:14 PM  

 I can't read your blog everyday because it always makes me sad. I'm sorry your job sucks and you still have to keep working there.


# posted by Blogger Tiffany : 11:29 AM  

 It fills you with an utterly impotent rage, doesn't it?

I worked at our state senate while I was in law school. Keep in mind that I already had two college-level degrees under my belt and was working towards a third (technically doctorate level) degree. And this is the state senate, so just imagine for a moment the senators, many of whom have been elected from primarily rural, vaguely agricultural, typically ass-backwards counties.

So I'm riding up the elevator after session with a couple of these clowns, my arms full of research and case reporters. One of these guys looks me up and down and says -- no joke -- "Now, what's a pretty little lady like you doing working so hard?" As I'm staring at him dumbly because, what the fuck, the elevator stops on the floor with their offices and as they leave, he says, "You take care now," WINKS, and PATS MY ASS.

Our state's lawmakers. Awesome.


# posted by Blogger jam : 8:53 AM  

 Bob in Accounting should be damn grateful that he's that HOT to be even noticed and he'd better spend his paychecks on new cologne and better clothes and some damn hotter shoes to make you even KEEP noticing him. He's lucky to have that awful feeling in the pit of his stomache. I'd give anything to be that hot. Didnt he get that unwritten memo floating around in Coorporateland that it is good to be treated like crap amongst the coworkers when they think you are shimmying up the ladder with your "hottness">?

*

Gwen, you again hit the nail on the head. I dont know how you do it but you again are so damn freakin RIGHT ON!
And just for the record if a certain Bob did fall for the whole deal and actually think this wasnt just office sexual harrasment shenanigans and really felt flattered and even had fantasies that it was the real deal, would that be the most naive, sad thing you ever heard? Would you tell Bob, how come no one tells the "Bob's" but just treat them like crap? In the office there are so many undercurrents, its not just "sexist" or even "sexual harrasment" in blatant form. It is really really sick and insecure people's heads and hearts can really be played with.
This post hit close to home.

You really need to enter this blog post in a womans magazine for syndication......wow.


# posted by Blogger pixielyn : 9:15 AM  

 Drew: I don't think it's *that* common. I think it's mostly an old white man thing. And they'll all be dead soon, so...

Mellie: If you lived near me, I would teach you to crochet. But you're on your own with the basement.

Beverly: What? That's no excuse not to read my blog every day! I will try to talk about more happy things, even if doing so jinxes them.

Jam: GROSS!! And not at all surprising.

Pixie: You made me think of recent events I've attended where harassment/discrimination are discussed and young, pretty women say, "That doesn't happen at my work. All the men are really nice to me."

And it's sad, because, yeah, of course they are. Until you become not-young and not-pretty. Or else they're "nice" and "nicer," until you say, "No, thanks - Just because I smiled at you, that doesn't mean I want to have sex with you," and then they start telling people you have a bad attitude, and you magically stop getting raises and promotions.

Saddest of all: When the women who aren't getting special treatment hate the women who are. As if it's a young, pretty woman's fault that a sexist asshole is hoping to buy her charms. That's another thing our office is rife with - oppressed women who snipe each other instead of standing up against the bullshit their bosses are shoveling out. Because, you know... they don't want the men to think they're bitches, but it's okay if the other women think it. Sad and annoying phenomenon...


# posted by Blogger Gwen : 9:09 AM  

 yeah *sigh* sad and annoying and its a vicious cycle and its only stoppable by the assholes with the nice and nicer and then obviously lewd behaviors.
I used to be the perky breasted young cute thing and fell for this crap hard when I first came to the big city job and was clueless and now I'm the 42 year old "mature" worker interested in working not bending over in my low rise single knit pants that somehow represent work attire so that my thong lace shows just below the freakin tattoo right above my ass crack a million times a day.Or wear thse low cut tops made out of lingerie material designed to show off the bra underneath. Whats up with the work clothes now adays? YOU so know its men designing!!!
I smirk behind the men when they award special kudos and compliments on work perfomance to those Hot little things when its the mature ones who know better and are work oriented who are carrying the load.

Where can it stop?
I say it stops with us as parents I guess, we are the ones who need to educate our sons and daughters I guess.
We need more sniping woman bosses dammit!!!


# posted by Blogger pixielyn : 10:20 AM  

 PS what was discussed at the harrassment meeting? anything "do-able"?


# posted by Blogger pixielyn : 10:20 AM  

 Oh, I agree. Gold-diggers who take up corporate space are annoying.

As for the clothes - I think some young women shop for "work" clothes at the same boutiques where they buy all their other clothing (i.e., Forever XXI, Charlotte Russe, etc.) because they don't know any better. Or they can't be caught dead in the women's dept of a department store. Or something. And if their HR departments don't gently correct them, then why should they change?

At the panel: I'm not sure anyone learned anything. It was me and two other Corporate American women, sharing our experiences with discrimination for the benefit of a group of college students. I gave them horror stories (my own and others'), and my two co-panelists said they'd never been harassed.


# posted by Blogger Gwen : 9:33 AM  

 I think, sadly, a lot of young women don't recognize harassment when it... ahem... pats them on the ass. They think they're just being one of the guys or whatever and don't realize certain things are inappropriate. Especially coming from old white guys.


# posted by Blogger jam : 3:19 PM  

 I agree.

I think it's confusing for a lot of people because one minute, you're joking about sex with your friends and then, next minute, someone's subtly trying to use that atmosphere against you.

I think I can be "one of the guys" as much as anyone else, with the raunchy talk and the joking. I think that stuff can be fun among a team of workers. But it seems like some people can't do that and then keep their stuff in their pants. Some people have no self control, and want to believe that just because they want sex with you, it follows that you must want sex with them. And those people are immature... but, put in power, they become dangerous, as well.

Pixie: I think there are a lot of predators in the work place - men who seek out young, naive women and do whatever it takes to get them in bed. And, unfortunately, a lot of women have been socialized to find it flattering when men in power pay attention to them. (See Monica Lewinsky.)


# posted by Blogger Gwen : 8:48 AM  

 Post a Comment