May 3, Houston: The big one -- the Inprint reading -- occurs at the Alley Theatre on Monday, May 3. Do not miss it or you'll be sorry. I'm not kidding -- I'm going to say the craziest, most intellectual yet hilarious stuff I can think of, and I'll be sharing the stage with the ultra sexy Oscar Casares, too.
June 24, Houston: I'm one of the peeps scheduled to read at Poison Pen, at Houston's famous Poison Girl bar. Besides me, everyone there will be ultra, *super* sexy. Come see me and drink!
June 26, Washington, DC: I'll be reading at the American Library Association conference. Come on down.
My other blog: Go read my the Houston Chronicle parenting blog (or my ChronMomBlog, as I like to call it) and make sure my kids won't resent me more than other kids resent their own parents.
Buy my new novel, Lone Star Legend. Already did? Well, buy a few more for your friends, then. :)
Thursday, November 17, 2005You know why I don't like to talk about politics?
Because it makes me mad. And then it depresses me. Yes, I take the arguments personally. And not in the sense that I feel like the people I'm debating with are attacking me... I mean that, when I read about politics or argue about issues or even write my political opinions on my own blog, I can't stop myself from lying awake at night and thinking thoughts like:
"Why in God's name are religious middle-class people so interested in impeding poor people's efforts to prevent unplanned childbirth?"
"How many people in my city would stand by and watch a neighbor die if it meant they could make $50K more per year?"
"If I really loved my kids and wanted good things for them, wouldn't I just spend my savings on lipo and then find an old rich Republican to entice into marriage, since working my butt off and sticking to my principals obviously isn't enough, especially now that gasoline and milk cost so much?"
"If Voldemort showed up for real tomorrow, would there even be three kids who wanted to fight him? Or would everybody's parents be cutting each under in line under the sign that said 'Join Deatheaters Today and Get a Free SUV!'?"
And then, I don't get enough sleep. And then, that makes me cranky the next morning. And then, my crankiness has an adverse effect on my digestive system.
So, therefore, I'm going to stop talking about politics again, to keep my digestive tract stress-free.
Salon's Broadsheet - You May Not Like It, but It Sure Brings in the Readers
Here is the comment I left on Salon's "blog for women" today, after the entry in which they linked to yet another article about Those Crazy New York Women and What They're Getting up to in Their Sex Lives Today:
Why do we keep talking about sensationalistic New York produced articles and television shows as if they have any resemblance to American reality? Who cares about what this writer's anonymous sources say or what Maureen Dowd's (completely contradictory) anonymous sources say?
I used to fantasize about living in New York... until I started reading Salon. Because, to hear it from Salon and the NYC publications they constantly reference, New York's nothing but an echo chamber of stupid, shallow, upper-middle-class white people desperate to say anything that will get them attention and maybe get them laid.
God Please Help Me Find a Way not to Start Hating People I Don't Even Know
(I have to call myself a moderate because, against all reason, I do still believe there is a God.)
Yesterday it finally got cold. It was 50 or 40 degrees. So, inside my body, as I got dressed for work, a complex chemical process was kicked off, the cold being its catalyst. And enzymes were formed that made me want to wear something new.
But I didn't have anything new. (See: broke-ness due to principals and gasoline price increases, above.)
Okay, then, I thought. Instead of wearing my usual uniform of black pants and pastel sweater, I will wear black pants and a jewel-toned sweater. Because jewel tones say fall!
I dug my one claret (that means dark red) sweater out of "storage." (You know - the shelf in my closet where I put things I don't feel like hanging up.) I put it on. Yay, it still fit.
I looked in the mirror and realized that I have no business wearing red, especially now that I am older and color is oozing out of my skin like soy sauce out of a block of soggy tofu.
We were running late. I put on my worn-out-ass pink twinset and ordered everyone into the car.
At the Einstein Brothers' Bagels where the elite meet to eat and double park, I saw a woman wearing the most beautiful lavender suede knee-high high-heeled boots.
"I love your boots," I said. Because you should always convert your player-hate into love.
Then, I saw a woman wearing the most beautiful awesome outfit, okay? It was something I so would have worn, had I not been 70 pounds heavier than her and half as rich. From bottom to top she had on beautiful, beautiful black grommet-strapped mule-pumps, a pin-striped long charcoal gray pencil skirt torn into a fishtail-like hem, and a simple red v-neck over a white or pale pink shirt. She looked so awesome, I didn't even mind that she was bending over to shake out her long, long hair and then wrap it up with a chopstick. (Hello, honey - all the well-dressed rich guys in there? Didn't want you, just wanted to be you. Welcome to the Montrose, Houston's premiere gay neighborhood, no matter how hard the Republican heteros try to take it over.) Because beauty is skin-deep, but well-dressed beauty is art, and I can forgive good artists their conceits.
All day, everyone around me looked cute as hell in their winter clothes, full knowing that they'll only have a few actual cold days to show them off here.
So this morning it was still cold, and I pulled out my claret sweater again. "Come on, red sweater, come on," I told it. "Look good on me today."
It didn't. Not even with a pin-striped skirt. Not even when I switched it for the slightly orange-er red sweater I had in my trunk, meaning to return it to Target once I'd realized I already had a red sweater and neither of the two looked good.
I can no longer wear red.
I have nothing else wintery to wear.
With the pinstriped skirt, I put on the same pale blue shirt I always wear. Then, on top of that, I put on my old-ass shrunken black cardigan from Lame Giant.
"Look kids," I said. "I'm Harry Potter."
(They didn't say anything. They know exactly when not to respond.)
If you have to wear the same clothes over and over again, you may as well just wear a private school uniform, even if you're 33 and plus-sized and a single mom of three. Screw it. I don't care.
But I'm lying. I do care.
I wish I could afford new clothes. I can't afford them yet. 8:39 AM #
Comments:Is there a difference between Claret and Bordeaux?
I mean the colors, not the wines. The wines are the same (Claret is an English name for Bordeaux imported into England. Also a generic name for "Bordeaux blend" wines since the French DOCG have the word Bordeaux locked-up tight), I just wondered if the colors were the same also.
# posted by R.T. Lemur : 10:28 AM
Hard to say. I haven't updated my color lexicon since I last received J. Crew catalogs in the late '90s. I remember them using Claret, but have yet to see a clothing retailer call a sweater Bordeaux. Anyone?
But, if I were in charge of naming every color in the world, I would make Bordeaux a little darker with a tiny bit more blue. Because it *sounds* that way. The only thing that matters, in color-naming, is the evocativeness of the words.
# posted by Gwen : 10:47 AM
Oh, god. I giggled my butt off after reading this. Damn. I'm a plus-sized 31-year-old single mom of 2, and I'm gaining weight faster than I can afford new clothes, so I wear the same thing every other day. The other days I alternate between too outdated and too small. Thanks so much for the (much-needed) laugh!
Lame Giant. Hee!
# posted by Kay : 10:59 AM
I hear you about the brokeness and the need for new clothes. I've plumped out of all of my halfway decent clothes, I'm a day out of casual Friday and I have no idea what to wear. Guess it's the black pants and the black hoodie again.
We need to start a service where we put all the wrong purchases into a pool and send them out. A lending library for the plus-sized and broke set.
# posted by shortround : 11:03 AM
I feel for you I really do.
I just hate it when my old clothes, or something I just bought dosen't look as good as I thought it would.
Then shopping for clothes oy!
It hard enough finding something to fit you if your a large size, but what if your a extra large, or God forgive a extra extra large?
Geez everything fits me like a tent! I don't especially want to look like someone that little clowns are going to come tumbling out of!
Half of America is on the larger than life size, and someone should tell those clothing designers to get off their colective asses and desighn something beautiful for us largers girls to wear! And at a reasonable price too!
I want to look pretty damn it!
Thank God for Lane Briant, and Torrid, at least they got the right idea! That big can be beautiful!
# posted by Janice : 2:26 AM
Oh Gwen I hear ya. It is cold down here right now and I prayed..outloud for cripes sake that my age 50 size 16 butt could get into the long suede skirt from Coldwatercreek 5 years ago...
Yippee it fit. Yes, most of us still use claret tho I have seen Merlot..all that does is make me thirsty. You need to check out www.coldwatercreek.com. They have an outlet link in the home page, well worth checking and have sizes 16 ( Moi ) and up. I checked out Torrid as Janice recommended but it's somewhat young for me at age 50, and I work for attorneys so..nuff said there. Hang in there...sooner or later every one of the Fashionista's at Einsteins will end up like L. Wyatt...and that's a heap o upkeep..Oh I did n not say that...
From the Chilly Downtown Houston...
# posted by Boschka : 11:40 AM
I can so totally, completely, unabashedly commiserate with you. I'm a post-maternity, bigger-than-I've-ever-been-before, pushing-the-limits-of-Sizes-Unlimited, plus-size 36 y.o. mom of 3 and I just hate all my clothes and what's worse? Is that even if I could afford to buy new clothes, I can never find what I want. I want tops that offer some shape, and come longer than my hips, so as to cover my big, round stomach, rather than sit atop it causing winces of disgust from passers-by. I also want pants that fit at my waist, not my hips, so as to contain aforementioned stomach, rather than presenting it for display to an unwelcoming audience.
I also really, really, really hate and resent that when looking at plus-size clothes online or in catalogs, I must look at it displayed on a normal size body. This is a piss-off of the highest magnitude. What happened to marketing to your target demographic? Why are these clothes not adorning large women so that I can at least get an idea of what it might look like on me?? If I had any kind of credit on which to acquire a business loan, that's what I'd do. Design clothes for large women that look good, regardless of what the skinny crowd is hanging out of, and then display them on large women.
Thank you for the opportunity to rant about that!
You should swing by Target and see if you can find a couple tops for cheap... that will perk you up.
# posted by M.A. Mom : 1:00 PM
Lame Giant? LOL. That is fucking funny.
And try finding holes in a shitload of your nice wool/cashmere shit b/c of silverfish. Pisses me off.
# posted by MissCathee : 4:27 PM
Kay: You and me both, as far as "outdated or too small" go.
Shortround: I like your idea. If anyone implements it, I have two red sweaters to contribute.
Janice: Word. Although I think Torrid is WAY too expensive for the quality they're selling...
Boschka: Ha, ha! Lynn Wyatt...
M.A. Mom: I know!! Torrid at least has those size 14 torso mannequins. Those are so cute, I always want to take one home.
Miss C: Dude. That sucks. Was that at your old place? Silverfish = nasty. I didn't know they ate clothes, though.
Newsflash: I got a cute trenchcoat at the Gap outlet for $24. Also, and intrepid reader suggested that I wear a white shirt under the red sweater, to keep the red from clashing with my sallow, light olive face. Good idea...
# posted by Gwen : 4:17 PM
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