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Friday, September 17, 2004
A Scary ThingI called Julio about a work-related system. While I was pointing out the inefficiency of a certain aspect of said system (read: the secretary who wanted to use Liquid Paper in place of technology), he said, "You don't want to come over here right now. There's a really big cricket outside my window. I know you hate stuff like that. I've never seen such a big cricket..."
I said, "Let me go over there right now."
It wasn't a cricket. It was a locust. And just a normal-sized one, too. What was striking about it was that this stupid, ugly, normal-sized locust was on the window ledge of the twentieth freaking floor.
[I just spent half my lunch hour googling "locust grasshopper difference" so that, when I told y'all it was locust and not a cricket or a grasshopper, I could link to an illustration pointing out the distinguishing features. According to all the sites I found, locusts are what you call grasshoppers when they're in the mood to swarm. But all those sites were hosted from places outside of Central Texas. After recovering from ten years of life in Central Texas with its annual insect plagues, I've come up with my own personal entomology. For the purposes of this entry and everything I write in the future: Grasshoppers are green, like grass. They range from zero to four inches and can have ugly, blind-looking eyes. They only hop. Locusts are shaped like grasshoppers, but they're bigger - up to eight inches long, in my experience - and come in brown, olive green, or distressed khaki. You see them parked on shrubs or upside-down on older houses. Crickets are squat, black creatures, always an inch long in adulthood. Cicadas and katydids are words you find in books about people who don't live in Central Texas. Okay. Now you can continue reading my anecdote.]
I walked up to the window, which made up one whole wall of the office, and stared at the locust from behind the safety of the very thick glass.
"Ew," I said.
"Look at his legs," said Julio.
In a violent flash of purposeful fury, the locust flew at the window. One loud thud and then a second one issued like explosions as he thrust his body at the glass nearest to my face. I screamed and ran to the opposite corner of the office. I turned back and peered through my trembling fingers just in time to see the monster fly, with nasty legs extended, through the sky to the twenty-first floor. Or to the top of our building, maybe. Or maybe up to Heaven to attack the angels.
Julio laughed uncomfortably, like someone who'd just avoided getting hit by a train. "I knew I shouldn't have told you about it," he said. "That really scared you, huh?"
"It tried to fly in my hair," I whispered.
We spent a minute musing on how the locust had gotten so high and what its intentions could possibly be. Then we spent a minute or two being scared to go outside.
As you may know, I sometimes see insects as omens. If that experience was an omen, I think its message was, "People may get pissed off and threaten you after you serve them with child-support-enforcement-hearing papers, and you might be scared, but those people really can't hurt you, so go ahead and live your life."
My friend Letty just called see if I minded postponing our lunch plans. I didn't mind at all. I'm staying inside until it's time to go home.
Labels: insects
1:09 PM #Comments:
Remember that Monty Python skit, where they found a coconut and someone said something about a sparrow gripping the husk with it's claws? Yes, well, I think a pigeon brought it up to that floor.hmmm. maybe not.
# posted by
artist7 : 1:16 PM
That totally filled me with terror. I live nowhere near Central Texas, and always pictured locusts as being swarmy grasshoppers, sure, but here, grasshoppers are what you'd call crickets (but in colours). Multiplying the size of my imaginary locusts by eight is not good for the hairs on the back of my neck.
# posted by
Sarcasma : 3:36 PM
Totally. I hate them, and I've had many horrible experiences trying to escape giant bugs in Central Texas. And in non-Central Texas, too.
The locust outside today was about two and a half inches long.
# posted by
Gwen : 4:20 PM
Oh, and I meant to type "ha!" to the thought of a pigeon carrying a locust up to the twentieth floor. Maybe one did, though, meaning to save it for a later meal.
# posted by
Gwen : 4:21 PM
I think maybe the proper response would be Ni.
Yes, that would be my nerd side coming out as I try cleverly disguise myself as a hip urban artist.
A meal for later? Perhaps, but I view pigeons as flying rats, and maybe that winged vermin needed a friend. Everyone needs friends. Even rats.
# posted by
artist7 : 5:26 PM
We had cicadas this year in Central NY, and in the Eastern Atlantic states. Some people eat them. I don't know. They make a godawful noise but I don't believe I have actually seen one.
But a couple of weeks ago, there was a giant grasshopper on our patio door. It sat there for hours. Staring. And it was the size of YOUR HEAD. I think we let the dog out the other door that day. Creepy.
# posted by
: 7:37 AM
OK, Gwen, thanks a lot for all the icky locust info. It's Saturday right now, and I had a FREAKY locust dream last night after I read your post! I dreamt that a giant locust was behind my computer area at home, so I decided to spray it with Febreeze. (WTF? But it's a dream...) Then, the thing puffed up like one of those lizards and got all scary-aggressive and freaking attacked me! It was stuck on my back! I was screaming and laying on the floor on my stomach, and a mystery person tried to swat it off me. Then, the body came off, BUT NOT THE LEGS! They picked off the legs, one by one, and I could hear them hitting the floor next to my head. It's 5:30 PM right now, and I'm still itchy. Thank you very much. *shiver*
Sweet dreams... Anne A. ;>)
# posted by
: 4:25 PM
Eight INCHES?
Oh, dear God.
I must never go to Central Texas. Like, ever.
Jessica http://www.xanga.com/marenka
# posted by
: 7:32 PM
I've seen that happen before with grasshoppers in the office building that I used to work at. I think it was the wind...or a car that was parked high up in a tall parking garaged that carried the insect to that height.
# posted by
Datty : 12:21 AM
Anne A.: Oops. Okay, I won't tell you about the ants we saw eating an earthworm yesterday, then.
I'd be sad if I were a locust and the wind had blown me so high. Because I'm afraid of heights.
# posted by
Gwen : 8:22 AM
Am I right in stating that locusts have clear wings and pretty heavy bodies compared to grasshoppers. I remember growing up in Dallas that we would get them every year. My dad would catch them and tie string around their bodies so they would fly around like a possessed insect-kite. All the kids in the neighborhood would follow him around, asking to hold the string. He looked like a deranged Pied Piper.
# posted by
: 9:26 AM
Um... maybe.
Okay. Here is what I've described as a locust above:
http://bugguide.net/node/view/4440
But that isn't what we saw the other day. I'm looking for one like what we saw last week. It's hard because the pictures are grossing me out really bad. I'm scared I might throw up my low-carb candy. So I'm having Julio look through that site's pictures while I wait on the phone. Okay... we have it narrowed down to cricket, not locust. He says this is the closest thing he could find:
http://bugguide.net/node/view/6339
But no... the one we saw was browner. Anyway. I can't look at the pictures any longer. I tried.
# posted by
Gwen : 10:00 AM
Anonymous: I think you're right. Did your dad's kite insects have a double set of wings? That's what Julio's saying ours had. Blech.
# posted by
Gwen : 10:03 AM
Kite-flying anonymous again...I think they did have double wings. I just remember them being really big--you had to use two hands to hold them. And they didn't really hop. They were definitely flying insects. And varied from green to brown. It was okay to hold the string, but you didn't want to get much closer.
Ahhh, memories of Texas. Right up there with going to the ever-popular Skaggs Alpha-Beta grocery store and there was such a cricket invasion that they were crunching in the automatic doors. *shudder*
# posted by
: 2:09 PM
Try waking up to a roach in your bathtub. This
happened to me last week. It took forever to kill.
The little fucker wouldn't drown so I had to resort
to spraying 409 on it. It finally started dying. I seized this chance to smush it in a napkin and throw it down the toilet.
As if I wasn't late enough for work already....
# posted by
MissCathee : 5:01 PM
Oh. God. Ants will eat anything, won't they? I have to say, they are the insect that squicks me the most. Here's a nasty one: Max the cat got sick one day and threw up by my front door. By the time I found it, it was covered... I mean, COVERED... with ants. Gah. Sorry if that was too much, but I couldn't resist. Eek...
# posted by
: 7:56 PM
Hi Gwen,
Um, not a little scared of bugs are we?
That sounded like a California--grass hopper.
I live in the San Jaquin valley(of California), it's dry and hot as hell here(well over a hundred in the summer). It's a perfect place for breeding; black crickets, and mean red stinging ants(that'll eat anything), and a nasty assorted other bugs. Not to mention grass hoppers galor! And ours come in differnt colors too!
What it was doing that grass hopper doing that far up? Maybe it had help from a good tail wind?
Jan
# posted by
: 11:37 PM
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